


Ashes of Eden

by xXdreameaterXx



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:43:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 29,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4826096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXdreameaterXx/pseuds/xXdreameaterXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>12 years after the Doctor has abandoned Clara on a foreign planet, she gets a visit from an old friend, who entrusts her with the important mission of saving the universe – by killing the Doctor, who now goes by a different name: Valeyard. Determined that she can save him from the fate that lead him onto the path of destruction, she doesn't realize that whatever threatens the Doctor will now also put not only her own life at risk, but that of every single one she loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My new fanfic, which I will devote my time to after "Sex, Love & Rock 'N Roll" - I just thought I'd post a teaser chapter to kill some time before season 9 finally starts todaaaay! I hope you like it and I'd be happy to read your feedback :)

Clara Oswald was standing by the window, staring out into the usually black night sky. But tonight it was bright red, as if washed over by a sea of fire, and ash was falling down to the planets surface. It almost looked like the snow she had known on Earth. The universe could be beautiful, even on the eve of its own destruction.   
Clara grabbed her cup a little tighter and took a sip. She was dying for a good cup of tea right now, but there was no tea on this planet. Tea had always somehow made things a little easier, or was it just the way she recalled it? She wasn't even sure right now if she remembered the taste of it at all. It had been 12 long years.

12 years on the planet of Targonia, that was not so much unlike her home planet, with humanoid beings called Targonians. They were a peaceful people, so unprepared for the war they had been sucked into. Yet Targonia had remained, longer than many other planets that had fallen victim to a war that seemed to spread over every known galaxy. Tonight they were watching the spectacle of the death of their twin planet Tyronia. Whether it was caused by Daleks or Cybermen or another race, Clara didn't know. And she didn't care. To her they were all the same now. Everyone was an enemy. It was the Daleks who had killed her husband over a year ago while he was doing his work, flying his space shuttle to trade food and products with Tyronia. Rourke had been a simple man, gentle and kind – and he had been killed along with soldiers and women and children. No one was save in this war. 

Having enough of the brutal sight, Clara closed the blinds of the nursery. She made sure her son was fast asleep before she left the room as quietly as possible and closed the door behind her. Without turning the light on, Clara made her way to the living room when she was startled by a noise coming from the hallway.  
“Good evening, Clara Oswald,” said a voice Clara was sure she should recognize. It had been so long since she had last heard it.  
“Who is there?” she called out, “Show yourself.”

The creature stepped into the light and lifted her dark veil. With relief Clara recognized the features of Madame Vastra.   
“What are you doing here?” Clara asked, her voice cold as stone, but still trembling. She hadn't seen any of her old _friends_ in all those years she had been trapped on this planet. Not a single one had come to her aid when she had needed them to.  
“We need your help, Clara. The universe needs your help.”  
“I'm done helping the universe,” she turned around to walk away, but Vastra followed her.  
“You're our only hope.”  
She turned back to face the lizard woman.  
“You know who _does_ need my help? My three year old son sleeping next door. My son, who has no one but me,” Clara raised her voice, but still kept it low enough for her child to remain asleep.   
“I'd think the saving of the universe is more important than your son,” Vastra stepped closer and stared at her.   
“To me it isn't.”  
“Well, then perhaps the Doctor is still important to you. Haven't you ever wondered why he dropped off the face of the earth and did nothing about this war?” Madame Vastra asked.

Clara snorted in disbelief and her voice grew angry.  
“How dare you bring that name up! That man left me here 12 years ago with no goodbye and with no explanation. So, for the record: No, I haven't wondered why that son of a bitch never did anything about the war. For all I care, it's his fault. Everything is his fault.”

“Oh Clara, I wish you were wrong.”  
“What?” Clara asked, “You're not suggesting that the Doctor really is responsible for this war?”  
Vastra remained silent.  
“Oh, come on, this is the Doctor we're talking about. He doesn't destroy worlds, he saves them.”  
“He stopped being the Doctor a very long time ago,” Vastra said gravely.   
“Yes, he changed. I was there,” Clara shook her head, “He may be a ruthless bastard now, but I don't believe he actively took part in this war. Not after Gallifrey.”  
“It's not just the regeneration, Clara. He goes by a different _name_ now,” Vastra paused before adding: “Valeyard.”

Clara had never heard that name before but something about it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up in fright. A shiver went through her body. Maybe it was the distant memory of an echo coming to life.  
“What does that mean?” she asked.  
“It means he is not the man you once knew, but something dark and dangerous. And he needs to be stopped.”  
“I suspect this is where I come in?” Clara raised an eyebrow.  
“You're absolutely right. But the question is: Could you do it?” Vastra asked.  
“Do what?”  
“Kill the man you once called Doctor.”

Clara laughed, but there was no humour in it. “He can't be killed. He will just regenerate. Do you think that will stop him?”  
“No. But there are ways to kill him and to make sure he never comes back. It has been done before, in a different reality that never really happened.”

Clara's mind felt like it was on fire. There had been moments in which she had actually wanted to kill the Doctor. Back then in her first months on Targonia. But would she have done it had there been a chance?  
“You don't have to decide right now. You have three days to think about it. Just know this: there is no Doctor. Only an evil man who walks this universe with his face, bringing destruction to wherever he lands. And his death is the key to stopping this war.”

Clara heard a noise coming from the nursery. The door opened and her son appeared in the hallway.  
“Mummy, who are you talking to?” he asked sleepily.  
“Go back to bed, honey, it was just . . .” Clara turned back around, but Madame Vastra was gone, “No one. I was talking to myself. Go back to sleep.”  
“I'm scared,” the boy admitted, “The sky is on fire.”  
“It'll all be over tomorrow,” Clara promised him and lead her son back to his bed. 

She stayed with him until he had fallen asleep again, all the while thinking about the question Vastra had asked her. _Could you do it?_


	2. Chapter 2

Clara paced the room impatiently. Three days had passed since Vastra's last visit and Clara had been thinking about her question almost non-stop. _Could you do it?_ To be quite honest, Clara didn't know, but she had made up her mind. One thing she knew for certain: she needed to see the Doctor again. The man who had abandoned her and caused her so much pain. She needed to look him in the eyes one more time. Whether she would kill him or not, she would decide then. 

12 years she had been stranded on this planet. 12 long years. At first she couldn't believe that the Doctor had actually abandoned her. No matter how much he had changed, that was something he certainly would never do. When night fell on Targonia and Clara had been looking for a shelter, the first wave of doubt had washed over her, but she had kept telling herself that something must have happened and delayed the Doctor's return. Then the war broke out. She had been staying in an inn because the inn keeper had felt sorry for her after he had found her wandering the cold and empty streets. Clara had overheard them talking at the reception about a war that had broken out, started by the Daleks, apparently, wiping out planet after planet, civilization after civilization. A war that was about to destroy the universe as Clara had known it and she had known that that was where the Doctor would be and he would return as soon as he had defeated the Daleks.

But the war was still going on and still no sign of the Doctor. She had spent years hoping, waiting for his return and he had let her down. 

Clara heard footsteps on the corridor and seconds later, the lizard woman appeared in her door way.  
“I'm ready,” Clara said eagerly without even greeting her first.  
“Are you sure?” Vastra asked.  
“Never been surer of anything,” she answered resolutely and with a determined look on her face.  
“And your son? There is no saying how long you'll be gone, should you return at all.”  
Clara took a deep breath.  
“Staying with friends. And I'll make sure I return.”

Vastra opened the little bag that was flung around her shoulders and retrieved a vial with a crimson liquid and a technical device with only one button on it. She handed Clara the vial first.  
“This is a poison created in collaboration with several of the Doctor's enemies. It will kill him and at the same time stop his body from regenerating,” she explained.  
Clara hesitated to touch it. “What would it do to me?”  
“The exact same thing. Don't touch the liquid. And this,” she handed her the device, “is how you will find the Doctor. It is programmed to his TARDIS and has enough power for two trips. It can bring you to him and return you here. No more. Understood?”  
Clara nodded as Madame Vastra handed her the little bag she had used to carry the items.  
“Hang on, how did you even get here?” Clara suddenly realized she didn't even know how Vastra could travel between the planets.  
Suddenly her features changed, darkening as if she was suddenly reminded of something very painful to her.  
“A vortex manipulator,” the lizard woman replied coldly.  
“Okay,” Clara said and got the feeling she better not ask any more questions. Apparently Vastra was trying to prevent her from doing the exact thing by quickly speaking up again.  
“Good luck, Clara Oswald. And don't forget: everything depends on you.”

 

When Madame Vastra used the vortex manipulator to disappear, Clara stood just there for a while, just holding the device in her hands. Now that she was only a push of a button away from the Doctor, she began to falter. Was she truly ready? There had been times when she wished for nothing more than to be back with her Doctor. There had also been times when she wished she had never met him. Clara had no idea how she would react upon seeing the Doctor again. Most of the time she was furious at him for abandoning her, but some days when she looked up to the stars she still felt that pull, that instinct to jump right into the TARDIS and head for an adventure with her best friend. 

Her best friend who had brutally left her on a strange planet, without friends or family, to fend for herself.

Suddenly the earth under her feet began to shake. She tried to steady herself, holding on to the couch that was next to her, but it slid across the living room as if the whole planet was about to be turned upside down. Eoghan! Her son! She had to go to him, protect him from whatever was happening right now. She tried to fight her way through the shaking house but it felt like climbing the Mount Everest and Clara could not move. She lost her balance and fell to the floor. Horrified she looked up at the wall unit that was falling down and would be landing on top of her in a matter of seconds. Clara had no choice. She pushed the button. 

 

**OOO**

 

Travelling in the TARDIS was nothing compared to his. Clara felt like the device tore her into a million pieces only to reassemble her somewhere else. Everything around her was moving and she could not see clearly, only make out blurry shapes and vague colours. She was dizzy and she felt like she was going to be sick. A moment later she thought she was floating above the ground, moving to an unknown destination. Then she hit the ground. The device that brought her here slipped from her hand. The noise it made when it hit the floor was incredibly loud to her ears. Was she breathing? Clara could not tell. She could no longer keep her eyes open. Everything went black. 

 

**OOO**

 

Clara woke up with a start and sat right up in her bed. She was about to groan at the memory of the nightmare she had had when she realized she wasn't in her bed at all. And it hadn't been a nightmare. In panic she searched for the device that had teleported her, only to realize it wasn't there anymore. She had to find it. She had to go back to her son, no matter what mission Madame Vastra had given her. Eoghan was the only thing that mattered right now. Something was happening on Targonia and she had to get to him.

“Looking for this?” A male voice said coldly. Clara turned around to see the Doctor sitting in an armchair next to her bed, holding the device she needed. Clara felt like she was taking the first breath after a deep dive. The Doctor had found the teleport device. She could go home.  
“Don't bother,” the Doctor stated simply, “Targonia is gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the first reviews. Hope you like the second chapter as well ;)


	3. Chapter 3

With his hands the Doctor made a small, but rather impressive imitation of an explosion. Clara jumped out of bed, a decision quickly followed by regret. The world around her started spinning. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered now.  
“What do you mean Targonia is gone?” she asked furiously.  
The Doctor shrugged. “Gone. Destroyed. Attacked by Cybermen. Boom.”  
“My son was on that planet!” Clara screamed and launched at the Doctor, intending to hit him, but he caught her wrists in time. She struggled hard to free herself, but he was stronger. He stared at her calmly, which only infuriated her more. For the first time Clara looked at him. He had changed so much. Not only his cold demeanour, but in looks as well. The hair that had always been cut so neatly was now a wild mess of grey curls and the stubble of a beard was showing on his chin. Looking at him, the only thing Clara felt was disgust and hatred. She hated him with all her heart. If she had had the poison in her hand right now she would have used it without a second thought to it.  
“Calm down, Clara,” the Doctor told her in a low voice, still holding her wrists.  
She tried to kick him, but he evaded her. “Don't tell me what to do. My son was on that planet! You have to go back in time to save him!”  
“Clara, I said calm down. Your son is safe.”

Clara stopped immediately. She observed the Doctor's face to see if he was lying to her, but she found nothing. No emotion whatsoever. What did she expect? If anyone knew how to conceal feelings, it was the Doctor. She tried again to free her hands but the Doctor wouldn't let go.  
“Where is my son?” she asked, still furious.  
“Orphanage. Safe planet. Don't worry, he'll be fine,” the Doctor explained.  
“Doctor, let go off my hand,” Clara ordered him calmly, but determinedly. 

He released her and slowly backed away, but Clara caught up with him swiftly and slapped him hard across the face.  
“Ouch,” the Doctor exclaimed and held his cheek, “What was that for?”  
Another slap hit his face.  
“Ouch, Clara, stop it!”  
“You abducted my son! You left him on a strange planet!”  
“Or you could say that I saved his life.”  
Clara grunted. “Argh, I wish I could slap common sense back into your head! You left a three-year-old alone. On a different planet. With strange people. Do you have any idea how scared he will probably be?”  
“Better scared than dead.”  
Clara slapped him again, this time even harder.  
“Okay, enough with the hitting!” the Doctor screamed at her, “I don't remember you being so violent. Obviously, there are still some hard feelings because I left you on Targonia a while ago.”

Clara gasped for air. She could not believe the words coming from his mouth. Either the Doctor was a really good actor, or just oblivious to the feelings of human beings.  
“No, no,” she shook her head, “We're not going to talk about this now. You take me back to my son. And then you're going to bring us home, to Earth, safely.”  
“I can't,” he said bluntly.  
“What do you mean, you can't?”  
“The planet I left your son on, well. . . he will be very, very safe there.”  
“Doctor,” she raised her eyebrows, “What have you done?”  
“Safest planet in the universe right now. High class security shields, but with minor weaknesses. They will have fixed those after I broke through. I can't go back there. I will never be able to go back there,” he explained. When Clara's eyes widened in horror, he quickly added: “But he _will_ be safe.”

Clara sighed. She wanted to be with Eoghan so badly, but she had to admit that it could have been much, much worse. They would find a way, somehow. Clara was sure of it. 

_They_. Clara immediately scolded herself internally for falling back into thinking that there was still _the Doctor and Clara_. She would find a way. She had to do this alone. The Doctor was no longer her friend. 

“As for Earth”, he stated in a careful tone, “There is no more Earth. I'm sorry, Clara.”  
Clara stared at him blankly. “I don't think I'm hearing you right. Say it again.”  
“Earth was one of the first planets to be destroyed in this war,” the Doctor explained.  
“And you did _what_ about that?” she yelled at him in an accusatory tone.  
“Well, you're alive, aren't you? And so is your son. And now that you're done asking all the questions, may I throw one in?” he stepped towards her, “What are you doing here? Why did you come here? Why now?”

Clara stared at him for a moment, the face she had only known for a while before being brutally abandoned. There was nothing of her old Doctor staring back at her. The man standing on front of her was a ruthless monster, no better than a Dalek or a Cyberman. 

“I came to see if Vastra was right and the Doctor truly is gone,” she said coldly. “He is. There is nothing of the old you left at all.”  
“Vastra?” the Doctor asked immediately, sounding surprised, if not horrified, “How did _she_ get out? I thought she had gone down with the rest of them.”  
“She has a vortex manipulator,” she explained, “But. . . if you say that Earth is gone, that means. . .”  
“Jenny and Strax are dead. Everyone you have ever known is dead.”

Clara slowly stepped backwards and sank back down unto the bed. How come she hadn't known? She should have. The war had spread across the entire universe. It was only reasonable to assume that Earth had perished along with the rest.

“Doctor,” she began carefully, “Why did you abandon me 12 years ago?”  
“Huh? It's been 12 years?”  
“Answer me!”  
He scoffed in reply. “I was tired of you bossing me around.”  
“That's a lie. And a bad one at that,” Clara said angrily, “The truth, Doctor! Now!”  
“There!” he exclaimed, “There's the bossing around I was talking about. I will find you a planet from which you can take a shuttle to where your son is. And you will not leave this room under any circumstances. _Do you understand me?_ ”  
“Doctor!”  
“No!” he shouted back at her, louder than before, “You will go back to your son and you will stay out of my business!”

He tossed her the bag that she had carried on her arrival, the one holding the poison to kill the Doctor. Apparently he hadn't bothered to look inside it. Clara caught it just in time.  
“Stay in this room,” he ordered her sharply before he headed out of the door and slammed it shut.

Clara was fuming. Oh yes, she would kill him. Right after he had dropped her off so she could get back to her son. But she was definitely not going to listen to him. Rising from the bed, she clutched her bag a little more tightly and reached for the doorknob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments :)


	4. Chapter 4

The corridor was dark, much darker than she remembered it. The Doctor had probably redecorated in the past 12 years, but this just seemed impractical. Clara could hardly see where she was going and she had no idea where the Doctor had gone off to. Where in the TARDIS was she right now? Should she go left or right?  
Going left seemed like the more reasonable choice to Clara when suddenly she heard a voice coming from her right. She turned around, but there was nothing to be seen but darkness.  
“Hello?” Clara called out reluctantly.   
Then she heard it again. Very quiet at first, very low and the sound of it made immediately spoke to the mother instinct inside of her. What she heard was the crying of a child.  
“Where are you?” she asked, a little more loudly this time as she walked into the general direction of the sound.   
Carefully Clara took one step after another, still not seeing much, following the sound of the crying child until it suddenly stopped.  
“Tell me where you are,” Clara said in the most compassionate voice she could muster, “I'm here to help you.”  
All of the sudden the voice was behind her, directly behind her as if breathing into her ear and Clara shot around, but there was nothing there at all. She couldn't even make out the door of her room any longer.   
Clara wanted to resume walking when something in the corner of her eye caught her attention. Was she imagining things or was someone turning the light up? She could make out a vague shape moving across the wall and Clara stepped closer, the writing becoming more and more visible now the closer she came to it. It almost seemed to be growing out of the metal.

_HELP_

An odd feeling started to creep up inside of her as she extended her hand to touch the letters. It hadn't been there a minute ago and now someone or something was calling for her help.   
A sudden flash of light blinded her, forcing her to shut her eyes for a moment. Clara blinked carefully, but the light was still there. Opening her eyes after finally getting used to the brightness, she stared at the walls. The entire corridor, every inch of the wall was covered in writing and it only ever said one word, over and over again. 

_HELP_

Clara gasped as she stepped forward, touching the writing here and there to make sure it was real.   
“Help who? How?” she asked into the room, but there was no reply.

Then the corridor went completely black and Clara found herself surrounded by nothing but darkness and the creaking of metal.   
An earth shattering scream forced Clara to cover her ears, it felt was if it was tearing the air apart, crying out for help again and again.   
“Who are you? Who needs my help?” Clara yelled back at the voice, still holding her ears tightly. 

The ground beneath her feet started to shake and Clara was immediately reminded of her last moments on Targonia. The same shaking, the room seemed to be turning upside down, but there was nothing in this corridor that could crush her. Instead Clara was thrown to the ground, but it wasn't as hard as she had expected it to be. The floor was different. The floor was. . . _quicksand_.  
Clara struggled to get into a horizontal position. At some point in her life she had heard that this would help if someone was sinking into quicksand, but it was already too late. Half her legs had already been sucked in. It was too dark. Clara was sure that somewhere there was some metal bar she could hold onto, but her hands only reached into the void. She was starting to have trouble breathing, her torso almost completely covered in quicksand now. But then she noticed something odd.   
Moving her feet around Clara noticed that they were free. She wasn't dying. She was just sinking through the floor into the room that was below this corridor. Clara held her breath.

She hit the floor hard and uttered a loud groan in pain. Looking around the room Clara noticed that this one, too, was too dark to see much. She assumed that this was how the TARDIS looked like now, seeing as the Doctor as well had changed for the worse.  
When she tried scrambling back to her feet however, Clara noticed a small note lying next to her. Carefully she reached for the plain, white paper, turning it in her hands a couple of times. It was empty.

Clara was about to throw it away again, discarding it as rubbish when suddenly, as if by an invisible hand, writing appeared on it. 

_H_

_E_

_L_

_P_

Clara gasped. Again something or something was asking for her help, but she didn't know what or who or how. She wanted to help, she wanted for all of this to stop, but she just didn't know how.  
Then the paper went blank again, only to spell a different word, one that Clara neither knew, nor understood.

_EREBOS_

While Clara was still staring at the piece of paper, trying to make sense of what it meant and what was even happening, the paper dissolved in her hands, turning into dark, ugly spiders, crawling over her skin and under the seams of her jacket sleeves.  
Clara screamed out in horror, jumping to her feet, trying to shake them off, but there were too many of them and they were growing in size as well as in number. She tried brushing them off her, trampling them with her boots until they were finally gone. 

Clara sighed in relief, breathing heavily but when she looked up she saw her son. Eoghan. He was on board of the TARDIS.   
“Eoghan!” Clara called out and stepped forward, but soon hit an invisible barrier that kept her separated from her son. She kicked it and slammed her hand against it, but nothing happened. She called her for him, but he didn't seem to hear her.

Then the image flickered and vanished. Clara blinked, but the room in front of her was empty and she felt no resistance as she extended her hand anymore. A voice filled the room again, not quite as loud as before, slightly weaker, but again calling out for her help. Clara didn't care about the voice, she wanted Eoghan. She wanted to see her son and when she turned back to where he had been standing, Eoghan was there again, but this time he was no longer alone.  
The Doctor was towering over him, staring at him menacingly. The boy looked so frightened, so scared, Clara wanted nothing more than to hold him.

“Eoghan!” she called out for him again, but he couldn't hear her and neither could the Doctor.   
Clara watched in confusion as the Doctor went on his knees before her son, placing his hands on the boys shoulder. Then the Doctor started choking him. Both of his hands wrapped so tightly around the boy's neck that he couldn't breathe.  
“NO!” Clara shouted, banging against the barrier, “LEAVE HIM ALONE! DOCTOR!

Eoghan's eyes widened in horror as he understood he wasn't going to breathe again. He fell to the ground, the Doctor still leaning over him, strangling the air out of him. Eoghan began to shake all over.

“DOCTOR!”

Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Her son was dying in front of her eyes and she couldn't help him. She was utterly powerless except for her screams.  
“DOCTOR! PLEASE, PLEASE, STOP IT! LEAVE HIM! DOCTOR, PLEASE, MY SON!”

Her vision was blurry from crying, but she still saw Eoghan's body grow rigid. He was dead.

“NOOO!” Clara cried out, sinking down against the barrier until her knees hit the floor. She kept her eyes firmly on her son's lifeless body, crying and screaming.   
Suddenly she heard the voice again, this time no more than a whisper.

_Help him_

But Clara didn't care. Her son was dead. She might as well die in this room as well. Then she felt a hand touch her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the review :) Ohhh, I am having a wonderful time writing this story! I really hope you enjoy it, too.


	5. Chapter 5

“Clara!”, the Doctor called for her, “Clara!”  
Clara turned around, frantically gasping for air and still crying, and saw the Doctor. Immediately she moved backwards, crawling away from him, away from the man who had murdered her son.  
“Clara, it's okay,” he said calmly, “That wasn't real. What you saw was an illusion.”  
She stared at him, trying to figure out what he was trying to tell her, but it didn't make sense. She had watched Eoghan die. The Doctor had killed him.

The Doctor approached her again, gently placing his hand on her arm. A part of her wanted to evade his touch again, but another, a stronger part was craving it, craving to be as close to him as possible, in desperate need of comfort.  
“Your son is alive and well, on the planet where I left him,” he told her earnestly, “This was a trick, a nasty vision. Nothing more.”  
Without thinking Clara launched forward and threw her arms around the Doctor. For a moment she didn't care that he was no longer her friend, that he had abandoned her or started this war that had destroyed half the universe. She just wanted to feel something other than fright and cry on his shoulder.   
Clara had expected him to push her away or make a remark about it, but instead he closed his arms around her, even pulling her a little tighter against him, one of his hands gently stroking her hair. And Clara cried against his chest until she was running out of tears. Not only because of the nightmare vision, which Clara realized she should have recognized for what it was, but also because of her abandonment 12 years ago, because of Earth, because of Targonia, because of her husband. All the tears she had been collecting over the last decade came out until there was nothing left.  
The Doctor had rested his head on top of her own as soon as her breathing had gone back to normal, rocking her gently, still holding her tightly and Clara was unutterably grateful for it. Had the past 12 years of her life never happened, she would have been content to stay in his embrace forever.  
“Oh Clara,” he said softly, “I told you to stay in your room.”

She couldn't tell how much time had passed, but finally Clara broke the hug and looked at him. For a brief moment before his features grew stern again she thought she had caught a glimpse of something else. Was that pain? But she quickly brushed the thought aside when the Doctor scrambled to his feet.  
“It's not safe,” the Doctor told her strictly, “You need to leave as soon as possible. Come on, follow me!”  
He started walking across the room, Clara got to her feet as well, following him, but she had so many questions on her mind that she was dying to ask him.  
“Doctor, what was that? Why did I see all of these things? What's going on here?” she asked him as they walked.  
“Nothing. It's just what she does nowadays. Just ignore them all and you'll be fine,” he said matter-of-factly.  
“Doctor!” she called out, “This isn't normal. This isn't what the TARDIS does. I've actually been here before, you know, and I'm telling you it isn't normal!”  
“Well, it is now. Don't worry, you don't have to get used to it because you're leaving.”  
“Hang on,” Clara suddenly realized something, “Does that mean you see things like these _all the time_?”  
She had had a nervous breakdown after only one of the visions. What must it be like to see these horrible illusion all of the time, every day, for 12 years, or centuries even? Clara had no idea how much time had passed for the Doctor, but she suspected it would have been longer than it had been for her. What kind of darkness must live inside his head? What had happened to him? To the TARDIS? She received no answer to her question.

 

Clara stopped in the middle of the corridor.  
“Doctor, who or what is _Erebos_?”   
From one moment to the next the Doctor stood absolutely still, before he slowly turned around to face Clara. His eyes were gleaming with fury and right now he frightened her a little.  
“Who told you that? Where did you get that word from?” he asked her, his voice threateningly sharp, eyes boring into hers.  
Clara spluttered at first. She hadn't expected the Doctor to react to this question at all, the way he had disregarded her first ones.  
“It was on a piece of paper I found. During the visions. It said 'HELP' and 'EREBOS'. What is that? What does it mean?” she asked curiously.

The Doctor grunted. “It means nothing. It was part of the vision,” suddenly his voice changed, growing angry again, “And now you're leaving the TARDIS. I'm going to drop you off on one of the closer planets.”  
He resumed walking, but Clara stood frozen on the spot.  
“No,” she protested angrily, “I will not leave until I get some answers. You've been lying to me since the moment I got here. I want to know what's going on! What happened to you? Why did you _really_ leave me on Targonia? What is wrong with the TARDIS and why are you so eager to get rid of me again?”  
The Doctor took a deep breath and started pacing the corridor in front of her. He looked angry and desperate and completely at a loss.  
“I want to be alone, Clara! I need to be alone!” he shouted at her, “Why is that so hard to understand?”   
Clara scoffed, but soon her features soften a little. “Doctor, I'm not stupid. You hugged me, you pulled me closer, _you wanted to_. I wasn't sure until now but now I think you've been lonely. You've missed me, so please, stop lying to me.”  
“While we're at the topic of lying, why don't you tell me why you _really_ came here, huh?” he asked her angrily, “Why don't you tell me what's in that bag of yours?”

Clara stared at him. If he knew, why hadn't he taken it from her?   
“Do you think _I'm_ stupid, Clara? Don't you think I know _exactly_ what this liquid does?”   
She didn't reply. She had no idea what to say to him. Nothing about him made any sense at all anymore.   
“You realize, of course, that's not going to happen? I can't let you kill me, but you can't do it either, can you?” he shouted, “Because you still need me. Without me you will never see your son again.”  
Clara remained silent, simply staring at the stranger that used to be her best friend. 

“Now, come one, Clara. As you've pointed out, I am very eager to get rid of you again,” he said and turned on his heels, heading off into the direction of the console room.   
Clara hesitated a moment, but decided she better stayed close to him in case she got lost or saw one of the visions again.  
However when she began to move there was the voice again, weak, hardly even a whisper.

_Help him_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comment :)


	6. Chapter 6

Even the console room looked different than in her memory, Clara soon realized. It was a little brighter than the corridors, but the light had a red hue to it and seemed slightly threatening, quite the opposite of the soothing blue she had been used to.  
“As I've pointed out, your son is on Treon, the most secure planet in the entire universe right now. I can't go back there, but you'll be able to take a shuttle from one of the surrounding planet,” he explained, his voice cold and complete emotionless.  
“And you?” Clara asked, stepped up to the console, “What will you do?”  
“What I do is none of your concern anymore, Clara,” he said sharply, “Now, we only have to find a recent map to see which planets on the supply route are still. . .”  
The Doctor paused and Clara tried to search his face for any hidden emotions or thoughts, but found nothing at all as he busied himself with the buttons on the console unit. His features darkened as he looked at the screen.  
“Just one planet left,” he said with a hiss, “You should try to catch a shuttle immediately. If the rest of the supply route has broken down, I can't say how long this one will last. Just find a nice captain, tell him your son is on Treon, work your charm. Shouldn't be a problem.”  
Clara raised an eyebrow as the Doctor was beginning to enter the coordinates. “My charm? You admit that I'm charming?”  
The Doctor glared at her. “You're an annoyance. That's what you are.”

Suddenly the engines of the TARDIS sprang to life with that wheezing, groaning noise that Clara had been waiting to hear for the past 12 years. She had never stopped hearing out for it, but it had never appeared. She realized only now how much she had missed it.  
“Okay,” the Doctor said when the TARDIS had landed, “Time to get your son back. Come on!”

 

The Doctor stepped through the door first, Clara following him on his heels, but she couldn't see much of the planet ahead of them.  
“Wow, it's really foggy here. Are you sure I'll be able to find a shuttle ready to fly through this?” Clara commented, trying to look around.  
She stopped, but the Doctor was slowly walking further without replying to her question or even saying a word. She looked around, trying to make out something through the mist, but couldn't see a thing.  
Extending her hands, expecting the fog to feel cold and wet, Clara was surprised to find that it didn't. It also had a very strange smell to it as if something was burning. She wrinkled her nose.  
Then she noticed the small snowflakes landing on the sleeves of her jacket.  
“Doctor, look, it's snowing!”

“That's not snow, Clara,” the Doctor said gravely. He had finally come to a halt and Clara was beginning to see more of the landscape as the fog slowly cleared, but it was all just a grey mess.  
“That's ash,” he said, his voice barely audible, “We're too late.”

Clara had no idea what he was talking about, so she stepped closer, but came to a halt again when she watched the Doctor trying to take another step, but instead of walking, he fell onto his knees. She was waiting for him to get up again, but he didn't.  
“Doctor?” she asked, and a wave of concern instantly washed over her, “Doctor, what's going on?”  
When she had finally reached him, Clara saw the disaster through the fog. What must have been a large, modern city was now nothing more than a smoking, fuming pile of rubble. There was no living being to be seen. No stone had been left unturned. What was in front of her eyes was destruction in the purest form possible. So the war had reached this planet as well, and rendered it void.  
When the first shock of the sight in front of her had subsided, Clara turned her attention back to the Doctor, only to find a shock far greater.

He was on his knees, his hands boring into the ground of the rubble tip they were standing on. Clara could see that he was breathing, but he made no other movement at all. Worried, she went down on her knees next to him, but he hid his face from her.  
“Doctor?” she asked carefully.  
A long moment passed without an answer. Clara extended her hand reluctantly, carefully placing it on his shoulder. The Doctor flinched under her touch.  
“This is my fault. This is all my fault,” he muttered in a low voice, “It shouldn't have happened. None of it should have happened. I'm so sorry, Clara. I'm sorry.”  
“This isn't your fault, Doctor. You did nothing. We just landed here,” she tried to say but when he turned to look at her, Clara's heart seemed to have stopped.

Never in her entire life had she seen a face so lined with guilt and sorrow and despair. Clara didn't know what had happened to him, she didn't understand what was happening right now. All she knew was that the Doctor was experiencing a pain far greater than she could ever imagine. The visions she had seen earlier were nothing compared to the grief the Doctor was feeling right now.  
She understood now, or at least she thought she understood at least a part of him. He had acted like a monster only to stop her from seeing what was really happening to him. But the mask had crumbled and broken and the man in front of her was hurting much, much more than he had let on. 

Clara could see that he was fighting back tears, but it was too late. The mask was gone. There was no turning back for him now as he fell into her arms like a frightened little boy. She had no idea what to at first, this was all happening too fast for her comprehend, so she reluctantly laid her arms around him. He was crying. She had seen the Doctor cry only once before and that was right before they had gone to Trenzalore. Whatever it was that had unsettled him, it scared him a lot more than the prospect of his own grave.  
“It's all my fault. The war. Everywhere I go, it's always one step ahead. I'm so sorry, Clara.”  
She didn't know what to say, she didn't know what he was talking about, so she simply held him, like he had done with her and let him cry. 

“Doctor, what is happening?” she asked after a long while, her voice low and compassionate, “ _What happened to you?_ ”  
The Doctor didn't reply, remaining completely silent and still in her arms. He had stopped crying, but it seemed that he wasn't yet ready to let go of her. Then Clara remembered the voice she had heard in the TARDIS, begging for her help.  
_Oh, you clever time machine_ , she thought. The TARDIS had been asking her to help the Doctor and Clara had almost dismissed it. If it hadn't been for the destruction of this planet, she would have been on her way to her son now.

Her son. Eoghan. He was on Treon and he was alone and Clara wanted him to be here with her so, so much, but now that the supply route had broken off, there was no way she could get to him now.  
“We will find another way, Clara, I promise,” the Doctor suddenly whispered as if he had read her thoughts, “You will get your son back. I'll figure out a way.”  
“He'll be safe on Treon, right?” Clara asked again, just to be sure.  
“Yes,” he breathed.  
“Good,” Clara replied, wrapping her arms a little more tightly around the Doctor, enjoying this embrace a little more than she probably should be, “And as nice and weird as this hug is, you can probably let go of me now.”  
“127 years,” the Doctor whispered.  
“What?” Clara asked in confusion. What could this cryptic number mean?  
The Doctor took a deep breath, still holding her. When he spoke his voice was slow, as if he was still reconsidering saying anything. “For me it's been 127 years since I left you on Targonia,” he paused, “And I've missed you every second of them.”

A loud noise tore Clara from her thoughts and she turned around to where the city had been to watch an explosion that shook the ground. Even the Doctor finally left their embrace to see what was going on.  
“We should probably get back into the TARDIS,” he suggested.  
Clara nodded and scrambled to her feet, following the Doctor back into their space ship, knowing that she wouldn't see her son again for a long time. First she needed to help the Doctor out of whatever nightmare he had gotten himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments, I'm glad you're all starting to like this story. I know it's different and more confusing than what I usually do - but I know what I'm doing XD :)


	7. Chapter 7

Back in the TARDIS, as the Doctor was working the controls to get them back into space, Clara had a hard time keeping her eyes off him. She could see the real him now that he had dropped the mask. He had been hiding his guilt and despair and loneliness behind a cold mask of brutality and anger, but that was over. No matter how much he protested, Clara would get the truth out of him.   
“We're back in space. Safe. For now,” the Doctor announced wearily after a while and turned around to look at her.   
Those sad eyes, Clara found it hard to look away. He seemed so utterly defeated.  
“Doctor, I think it's time for the truth,” Clara said.

The Doctor approached her, taking one step after another until he was standing right in front of her, staring at her as if he hadn't seen her properly until now.   
“In a moment,” he replied with a light smile and spread his arms.  
Clara knew what he wanted and if she was quite honest with herself, she wanted it, too. Taking one last step, she pressed her face against his chest and his arms curled tightly around her back. Clara took a deep breath, realizing that he still smelled the same, and he felt the same, too, his slightly cooler body that was still somehow warm against hers. No matter what had happened, he was still her Doctor. If only she could wipe away the pain of the past 12 years.   
“I've missed you, too,” she admitted, “Despite everything. I never stopped hoping that one day you'd return, especially after Rourke died. I was so angry, but I missed you.”

 

The Doctor slowly released her from the hug and gestured towards the armchairs. They both walked up the stairs, taking a seat, facing each other.   
“Before I tell you everything,” he began, looking around the console room as if trying to find the right words, “I want to know. . .”  
He turned around, looking at her, that sad look on his face again. “Were you happy? On Targonia?”  
Clara swallowed hard. It wasn't an easy question. She had loved Rourke, in a way, she had loved the little house they had owned, and of course she loved her son, but all this time she had felt like she had misplaced a part of her heart that could never quite find its way back from space. After all, how could anyone expect to return to a normal life after seeing all the miracles the Doctor had shown her?  
“It was an ordinary life,” she finally said, “At first I refused to believe that you had abandoned me. I thought you just got caught up in the war, that you would return as soon as it was over.”  
“I would have,” the Doctor interrupted her immediately, “Don't doubt that for a second. I would've come back for you as soon as I had figured out a way.”  
“I believe you,” Clara nodded and waited in case the Doctor wanted to say more, but he leaned back in his chair and so she continued, “When I realized that I was on my own, I tried to build myself a new life. The locals were all so friendly and helpful. I got a job at a school again, teaching.”  
She laughed slightly at the memory of it, but her face soon turned into a sad smile. All those people she had known had perished last night. Clara should be grieving for them, for the planet she had called her home for so long now, but she was only glad to be back with the Doctor. It didn't seem fair.  
“Rourke was one of the first people to help me out. He. . . erm. . . proposed pretty early on. I was confused cause the Targonian rituals are slightly weird. It took me a long time, but I finally gave in. He was a good man. I loved him. Though if this had happened on Earth, under normal circumstances, I don't think I would have ended up with him.”  
Clara threw a glance at the Doctor, who had turned his face away, but she could still see a hint of resentment on his features, as if the fact that she had found someone somehow displeased him.   
“But he was a good man. And a good father. He deserved someone better than me, and he certainly didn't deserve to die,” Clara paused, “And a few days ago Vastra came to me. Asking me to kill you with the liquid you found in my bag.”  
“Did you intend to do it?” the Doctor asked blatantly.  
Clara shrugged. “I don't know. I don't think so. I can't say. All I knew was that I needed to see you again and Vastra was offering me a chance.”  
“What did she tell you about me?” he asked her curiously, raising his eyebrows a little.  
“She said you are responsible for this war. That you started it.”  
“Did you believe her?”  
“I wasn't sure,” Clara replied honestly, “But now I know you have nothing to do with it.”

 

Clara watched him as the Doctor buried his face in his hands, running his fingers through his hair before looking at her again. His face was sad, but otherwise unreadable.   
“Vastra was right. In a way I am responsible for everything. It is because of me that the Daleks and the Cybermen and every other evil out there rose to power and I am sorry. I tried to find a way. For 127 years I have searched the universe for a solution, an answer or even a clue, but I didn't find a thing,” he said desperately and Clara could hear in his voice how much he had really been trying.   
“Why did you leave me? I could've helped you, whatever it is that troubles you. I could've helped,” Clara replied, her big eyes staring back at the figure in front of her.   
“You can't, Clara. I can't let you stay with me,” he said urgently, “Every second you spend with me puts you in the crossfire. You aren't safe here. If I hadn't abandoned you on Targonia, you would've died a long time ago and I can't let that happen. I'd rather see the entire universe in ashes than let you die.”  
Clara was taken aback by his statement. So all of this, these 12 years on Targonia, the cold demeanour, had been to protect her. But from what?  
“The TARDIS,” Clara whispered, answering her own question, “The TARDIS asked me to help you and that's what I'm gonna do.”  
The Doctor scoffed. “Just ignore her. She doesn't know what she's saying.”  
“Actually, I think she does,” Clara replied angrily, “You've been moping for 127 years and finally you get the chance for some actual help. Of course the TARDIS can't let you ignore that!”

 

The Doctor took a deep breath, rising from his chair and pacing the console room. Clara followed him after a moment of hesitation.  
She watched as he entered something into the keyboard and the TARDIS database opened. She only read the first word – Erebos – and turned her attention back to the Doctor.  
“That's what the TARDIS was trying to tell me. What is it?” Clara asked.  
“It's a shadow,” the Doctor replied, “While we were travelling I started to notice that things weren't always going smoothly and that wherever we went there was trouble. It seemed like too much of a coincidence to ignore. And you started seeing that P.E. guy. I knew something was up.”  
Clara had no idea why Danny played a role in this, but she was shocked at the fact that she hadn't thought about him in years. Good, old Danny Pink.  
“So I did some research,” the Doctor explained, “When I realized that the Erebos was attached to me, I immediately dropped you off at Targonia, knowing you'd be safe there. Earth wasn't an option. I knew that Earth was doomed because of me. Because of the Erebos.”  
Clara was still struggling to understand. “What exactly does it do, this shadow?”  
“It destroys your life, Clara,” he said simply, “There isn't much known about it apart from the fact that it is ancient and believed to be extinct. It knows your future, your hopes, your dreams, your fears and it uses all of that, turning it against you. Feeding off darkness to create more darkness.”  
“So you really left me on Targonia to protect me? Because you knew you loved Earth too much.”  
“Yes,” the Doctor hissed, looking more anxious now, “And that's why you have to leave, Clara. You cannot stay here. The Erebos itself can't harm you, but it enables my enemies. I can't let anything happen to you.”  
“And the TARDIS? Why the visions I saw?”  
“The Erebos is fused with the TARDIS now,” the Doctor explained, running his fingers along the console unit, “She's fighting it off as best as she can, but she doesn't always win.”

 

Clara suddenly felt the bag that was slung over her shoulder a little more heavily than before and she remembered the liquid Vastra had given her. Had she known about the shadow?  
“Vastra gave me the liquid to kill you. But. . .,” she paused, “If you regenerated, would it leave you?” Clara reluctantly looked up at him, feeling bad for even suggesting it.  
“No,” he shook his head slightly, “The Erebos is one with my time line now. Only permanent death would set it free. But I cannot let you kill me. If you killed me, the Erebos would immediately latch on to you and I will not let that happen.”  
So Vastra had known. And she had also known that Clara probably wouldn't return from her trip.  
“I'm not that important. Certainly, if it was attached to me, it wouldn't do as much damage. You are the saviour of the universe, so it destroys the universe. But me, I'm nothing. We just have to find a way to transfer it to me without permanently killing you,” Clara suggested.  
“Under no circumstances!” the Doctor said sharply, “Even if there was a way, I will not let this thing ruin your life, and do not think that it would be easy. The Erebos would take away everything that you love, including your son, and that is why I really need you to leave. You are too important to me and the shadow knows it. Every second with me puts you in danger.”

Clara sighed and placed her hands on the Doctor's shoulder.   
“You spent 127 years alone, figuring out what this thing is and what it does. You can't do this alone, Doctor. I'm not leaving you and I'm not letting you abandon me again. All I care about is my son's safety and you said nothing will happen to him where is now. I will help you figure this out. For your sake and for that of the rest of the universe.”  
The Doctor opened his mouth in protest, but Clara was faster.  
“And I will not take no for an answer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments :D Glad you like it and I'm also sorry. . .


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor stopped in front of the bedroom and Clara came to a halt behind him.   
“I shielded the bedrooms from the Erebos,” he explained, “Some nights, when the TARDIS is weak it breaks through, but it hasn't happened in a long time now. You should sleep soundly and without nightmares.”  
“And if something happens I know it's not real. I'll be okay,” she confirmed with a smile that he didn't return.  
When the Doctor was about to turn around and walk away, Clara suddenly thought of something. There was one thing he still hadn't explained.  
“One more question,” she said, “Vastra said you now call yourself the Valeyard. Why?”  
Guilt lined his face when he slowly turned back to face her.  
“I do not deserve to call myself the Doctor any longer. I. . .,” he paused, “I committed the ultimate crime.”

The Doctor hesitated, but Clara kept looking at him, expecting him to speak and he finally did.  
“I went back, trying to corrupt my own time line. Tried to put myself on trial to prevent any of this from ever happening. It didn't work out.”  
“Good,” Clara replied determinedly.  
“Good?” the Doctor raised an eyebrow.  
“If it had worked, we would have never met. I wouldn't trade that for anything, no matter what,” she said honestly, “We'll find a way, Doctor.”

 

He nodded slowly and turned to walk away. He didn't need the corridors to be any brighter than they were now. Over 2000 years he had travelled with the TARDIS, he knew her by his hearts, even if she changed and relocated the rooms occasionally, he still always knew where they were.  
He felt weary tonight, tired and he knew he needed to get some sleep as well, even if it was only for a few hours. Seeing Clara again hadn't quite been what he had been expecting. Not after 127 years. He had missed her, oh yes, terribly so, but he had given up hope altogether that he would ever see her again. And now that she was back aboard the TARDIS, the Doctor was afraid. The Erebos had taken everything he had ever loved, it had made his worst nightmares come true – but Clara was the one thing he had managed to keep safe. Until now. She was the one thing he could never, ever lose.

Stepping into his bedroom, the Doctor was instantly reminded of one other thing he was keeping from Clara, something he could never tell her, and suddenly he felt terribly ashamed.  
Clara was lying in his sheets, not asleep, but inactive and woke up as soon as he entered the room. She sat up in bed, revealing a pretty, white, lace nightie and smiled at him.  
“Good evening, Doctor,” she said and the Doctor noticed the difference in her voice for the first time in a very long while. She sounded almost robotic.  
The Doctor looked up to the ceiling of the room, speaking to his TARDIS. “I thought you were a clever time machine. The real Clara is back, you could have switched her off,” he groaned, “Do I have to do everything around here?”  
“You look tired, Doctor. You should get some rest,” Clara said. This time she sounded almost realistic. The Doctor sighed.

 

It had started out as an innocent distraction. After the first decade of witnessing the Erebos' visions, the Doctor had been at the end of his tether, in desperate need of some comfort, but he had known he couldn't find it with a living being. The shadow would have taken that from him immediately, so the Doctor had decided to use the TARDIS' database of hologram projections to keep him company. Of course he had chosen Clara's face. Who else would he have wanted to talk to while pacing the console room, looking for a solution to his problem? During the most terrible nights he had even taken her with him into his bedroom, just so he could fall asleep while looking at Clara.  
But it hadn't been enough. The Doctor had started to crave her touch, crave her hugs, even though he had been so against it in the beginning. The loneliness and isolation that had come with the curse of the Erebos had changed him, so the Doctor had begun to tinker with the projections, soon finding a way to give them form, a body that could be touched. It had still felt different, not even close to human skin, but it would have to do. He had been able to hold her as he fell asleep, and once the shame at the thought of it had vanished, even made love to her.   
The Erebos had taken over his projections of Clara at times, when the Doctor had been most vulnerable, but the TARDIS had always tried her best to keep it at bay, keeping the projections a safe haven for him to retreat to when everything else had become too much to bear. 

 

“Come to bed, Doctor,” Clara said, lifting the covers on his side of the bed, inviting him to join her. It was just the way she was programmed, it wasn't her fault that it had to stop now that the real Clara was sleeping just a few rooms further down the corridor. The TARDIS should have switched her off immediately.  
The Doctor groaned but started to move towards the bed. He had been doing this for a century. What was one more night in the arms of Clara?  
He sank down on the bed next to her and she wrapped her arm around him. Now that he had held the real Clara, this projection was nothing but a cheap copy. But the Doctor now wanted the real one, the one he could never have.   
“What is the matter with you, Doctor?” she asked as she scrambled on top of him, straddling his lap. Oh, he shouldn't have made her so damn clever.  
“I should go back to the console room now and deactivate you,” he groaned when she began grinding her hips against his crotch. The movements felt real and through the fabric of his trousers he could hardly tell she was nothing but a projection. By the time his clothes usually came off, it didn't matter to him anymore how she felt.   
Clara reached for his hands and placed them around her waist and the Doctor instinctively began to guide her moves. A voice in the back of his head told him he should stop, but reason hardly stood a chance when he was in this state.  
“Oh, Clara,” he moaned as he felt that warm rush of blood shoot through him. He was so hard already and he wished it had been the real Clara on top of him, not the toy he had created in his own despair.

Clara began to laugh. At first he didn't find anything odd about it, but when the Doctor opened his eyes and saw the expression on her face, he knew that he had fallen for the old trick again.   
“Oh, Doctor,” she said, mocking the sound of his moans, “I have always wondered what a desperate Time Lord might look like. Never had I expected you to turn so. . . _human_.”  
The way the shadow said it could only be described with disgust. But it wasn't wrong. In his loneliness and pain the Doctor had stooped so low as to resort to _this_. He felt ashamed again. He shouldn't have done it. Not to Clara. Not to the woman he loved. He had degraded himself and her and he felt terribly guilty because of it.  
“You know she's not safe, Doctor. She will never be safe again,” the shadow said, “We will get her and then. . .”

The projection paused and the Doctor watched in horror as Clara's eyes widened. She kept her mouth shut, but she was choking on something. Instinctively, although he knew it wasn't real, he reached out for her the same moment she opened her mouth. Blood splattered across the white sheets and the Doctor drew back until his back hit the headboard.   
“Clara,” he breathed, gawking at Clara's nightie that was soaked with blood, before his voice grew angry, “Not my Clara! I will not let this happen!”  
She slumped down on the bed in front of him, but her eyes remained fixed on him.  
“You cannot fight the darkness,” Clara said, her voice weak, “You. . . will. . . lose. . .”

Empty eyes stared him in the face, Clara's empty eyes. He had watched her die countless times, but the Doctor would never get used to it, even though he knew it wasn't real. He would find a way to keep her safe, any way, even if it meant abandoning her again.   
“No,” he muttered angrily, “Not my Clara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comment :)


	9. Chapter 9

Making her way to the console room, Clara took a deep breath. She had slept well, like the Doctor had predicted, but now, outside of the bedroom, she didn't feel so safe anymore. She promised herself that she wouldn't fall for any of the visions again, no matter what they would show her. She knew now that they weren't real and that all they wanted was to unsettle her. Clara was determined not to give the shadow that satisfaction.   
To her surprise she found the console room empty. Surely the Doctor couldn't still be asleep? He slept less than a normal human being, but maybe he had been so tired that he was in need of some more now.  
And then Clara heard it, the music she had thought was in the back of her mind, but now that she could hear it slightly louder than before she knew she hadn't imagined it. Was that one of the Erebos' tricks to lure her into another vision? Or was that where she would find the Doctor?  
Clara stepped back into the corridor, following the sound of the guitar music until she came to a halt in front of a door. Hesitantly she knocked. The music stopped.  
“Yes?” the Doctor's voice came from the inside.  
“Doctor? Is that you? Can I come in?” Clara asked carefully.  
A few seconds passed, before he replied with a yes. Clara grabbed the door handle, turned it and stepped inside to find the Doctor sitting on his large bed, holding an electric guitar that he had obviously been playing for a while.   
“I didn't know you could play,” Clara said sheepishly, but knew it was a stupid thing to say. He was over 2000 years old. Enough time to learn any instrument that he wanted.   
“Where did you think Jimi Hendrix learned it all from?” the Doctor raised his head, now looking directly at her. It was a joke, but neither of them was laughing.  
He still looked so weary as if he hadn't slept for a single second.  
“Doctor, don't take this the wrong way, but you look terrible,” she said as she sat down on the other end of the bed.  
He exhaled sharply, putting the guitar away. “Couldn't sleep. And you? Did the Erebos stay clear of your bedroom?”  
“Slept like a baby,” Clara confirmed, “Unlike you, apparently.”  
The Doctor sighed. “Nothing I hadn't seen before. I think I'm gonna give it another try.”

He rested his head on the pillow and looked at Clara, a hint of a smile on his lips.  
“Do you want me to leave you?” she asked carefully.  
“No,” the Doctor replied immediately, “Please, stay.”  
Clara was surprised to hear him say that, but shrugged it off immediately. He had been alone for 127 years. She supposed it was natural that he wanted company, so she sank down next to him.  
“You've changed,” Clara said softly while his eyes remained fixed on her, “And for the better, I think.”  
The Doctor scoffed. “So have you, but I wasn't gonna bring up the wrinkles.”  
His comment made Clara giggled. “You know exactly what I mean.”  
“I wouldn't be so sure of that,” he replied with a sigh, “But yeah, I supposed that's what 127 years of isolation do to you.”

Clara watched him close his eyes and his breathing became slower than before. He was falling asleep and Clara felt proud to be allowed to lie next to him. The Doctor trusted her completely, even though the day before she had arrived here with a poison to kill him. She didn't think she ever would have killed him, especially now that she was looking at him, sleeping peacefully, his face showing that he was very close to being content, if not happy. Clara loved him right now. She had always loved him, despite her anger. She had loved him when he had still been wearing a different face and she had come to love the grumpy, rude man who had ended up leaving her on Targonia, for her own safety, and she loved him now. Clara wouldn't leave him again. Nothing in the entire universe could separate them now.  
She turned around to lie on her other side, deciding she, too, could sleep some more, or at least daydream when suddenly the Doctor's arm was around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Clara was confused at first, even startled at the touch, but soon his body was pressed against her back and he didn't even seem to be aware of it. She sighed and decided to leave it that way. It felt soft and warm and comforting to have the Doctor spoon her and it had been so long since someone had held her like that. Clara closed her eyes.

 

When the Doctor woke up a few hours, he wasn't entirely sure if he was still dreaming. He pressed Clara more tightly against his chest, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. Oh, she still smelled just as good as she had before and her body was so soft against his own, so warm, so tempting. He wanted to kiss her.  
No!  
He tore himself away from his daydream. This was absolutely not the right time to be doing that, or to be even thinking about it. Had all those years really turned him so goddamn human?  
He cleared his throat and slowly released Clara from his embrace.  
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she whispered and he could hear the smile in her voice.  
Clara turned around in bed, facing him now. She looked so beautiful with her hair all tousled and the hint of a smile on her lips. He had been lying earlier. The Doctor didn't give a damn about the lines around her eyes or her mouth. To him she was still exactly the way he had left her so many, many years ago.  
“I've been thinking,” Clara said, averting her eyes, “What do you think about children on board of the TARDIS?”  
It took the Doctor a moment to realize what she had said.  
“Children?” he asked, “What about them?”  
“I don't want to go back, Doctor,” she said earnestly, “I can't go back, living a normal life again. I don't want to do that. I want to stay with you, on the TARDIS. With Eoghan, once we figure out a way to get rid of the Erebos and get my son back.”

The Doctor didn't know what to say. First of all, he didn't believe there really was a chance of defeating the Erebos. If there was, he would have found it by now. But Clara's suggestion. . . she wanted to move into the TARDIS. Permanently. With her son. Like. . . like a family. Maybe they really would find a way.

“Eoghan needs a father figure and I'm done with love. I don't want to go through it all again, not after Rourke. You and Eoghan are the only two men I want in my life now. And I don't think I can settle down again, not now that Earth is gone.”

_Done with love_? The Doctor's hearts sank to his boots. But she had a point. Earth was gone, just like Gallifrey was gone. He understood her, and he craved her company, even if he would rather drop her on a safe planet again. 

“So, what do you say, Doctor?” she asked, looking at him hopefully.  
He gulped audibly. “First we would have to defeat the Erebos, Clara, and frankly, I don't know if that's possible. I'd rather see you somewhere safe than here.”  
“But if we found a way?”  
“If we found a way, yes, absolutely,” he agreed without even thinking about it. He wanted her here with him. The Doctor and Clara Oswald in the TARDIS. Forever.  
“Good,” Clara said, suddenly sitting up in bed, “And now off to the console room. I've had an idea!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews :)


	10. Chapter 10

Back in the console room, Clara could barely hide her excitement. As soon as she had reached the console, she turned back to face the Doctor, grinning at him.  
“Are you gonna tell me that idea of yours now or should I wait until your burst?” the Doctor asked, his eyebrows raised.  
“What happened to Earth, exactly?” she asked him.  
The Doctor exhaled sharply. “The Sontarans. They invaded Earth and, well, I supposed when UNIT didn't see another chance for humanity to survive, they blew up the planet, taking the Sontaran with them.”  
“So, this attack had been going on for more than a day?”  
“Certainly. Why do you ask?” the Doctor seemed confused.  
“Well,” Clara said, pacing the room in front of him, “How many spaceships do you think were on Earth before it was blown up?”

Clara watched the Doctor's eyes widen. He looked utterly surprised not to have thought about that before.  
“See? That's why you don't go anywhere without your carer,” Clara scolded him.  
He was still gawking at her, but slowly stepped towards the console before entering Earth's former coordinates. The TARDIS engines sprang to life and stopped again only a few moments later. Both the Doctor and Clara rushed to the door. They shared a look before the Doctor reached for the door handle and opened it.

A large spaceship was hovering in the emptiness in front of them and Clara immediately recognized it as the Valiant. She had been right. At least some people from UNIT had escaped. There was still hope. And she would show that to the Doctor.  
Before she could turn around and say anything, the Doctor had cupped her faced in both his hands and pressed a swift kiss to her forehead.  
“Clara Oswald, you are A GENIUS!” he almost shouted while grinning broadly at her, before her turned back to the sight in front of their eyes, laughing and looking absolutely thrilled, “Ohhhh, you clever humans! You always find a way!”

She didn't want to rain on his parade, but now that she was taking a good look at it, Clara noticed that there was no light coming from the Valiant. None at all. All the windows were dark and the engines seemed to be switched off. If there were actually people on board, alive, wouldn't they need light? Wouldn't they fly the ship instead of just drifting through space?  
“Doctor, why is the ship so dark?” she wanted to know, not daring to say what she feared.  
“I don't know. Let's go find out?” he suggested.

 

A few moments later the TARDIS materialized on board the Valiant and when they stepped out, Clara noticed it was exactly as dark on the inside as it had seemed from the outside. She was haunted by the bad feeling that they might already be too late. It was also eerily quiet, except for the Doctor's sniffling.  
“What are you doing?” she asked in a hushed voice.  
“Do you smell that?”  
Clara took a sniff as well, but she couldn't sense anything out of the ordinary.  
“No, what is it?”  
“The life support is still working,” he turned around to look at her, “The Valiant is in energy saving mode.”  
“But if there are still people on board, where-”

 

“Stay exactly where you are!” a harsh female voice ordered them right before Clara could hear the click that she had come to associate with the unlocking of a gun.  
When the woman stepped closer Clara recognized the face. Kate Lethbridge Stewart was standing right in front of them, holding a gun in their faces.  
“Where the hell have you been?” Kate asked angrily, now pointing the gun directly at the Doctor.  
Clara could hear him swallow hard.  
“Uhm. . . would it be possible. . . to lower your weapon?” the Doctor asked carefully, “As you may recall, I'm not so fond of those.”  
“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?” Kate repeated herself, this time more loudly.  
“Kate-” Clara began, but a hand gesture from the UNIT leader cut her off.  
“I am talking to the Doctor, the man who has always been there for Earth, only to abandon it when we needed him the most.”

Kate suddenly launched forward and for a second Clara was afraid she was going to shoot the Doctor on the spot, but instead she heard Kate's hand slap the Doctor's face really hard.  
“Oh!” the Doctor exclaimed, reaching for his hurt cheek, “Why does everyone keep hitting me?”  
“Kate,” Clara said, stepping between them, “We can explain, but it's a long story. Please, just believe that we're here to help you.”  
“How many?” the Doctor suddenly asked, “How many made it out?”  
Kate turned her attention back to the Doctor.  
“We took off with 276 people on board, some of them injured. We're down to 243 now. We had no idea how long we would have to hold out, so we switched the engines off to prolong the battery of the life support system. We strictly rationed our food. With the current numbers, a healthy person would be able to survive for a year, but anyone with a severe illness or special needs, well. . .”  
“I see,” the Doctor replied gravely, “How long have you been floating out here?”  
Kate took a deep breath. “Three months. We're only UNIT people on the Valiant. There was no time to rescue civilians, I'm afraid.”  
The Doctor gave a weak smile. “Well, 243 is better than none.”

Clara reached for the Doctor's arm, turning him away from Kate.  
“Doctor,” she whispered, “What are we gonna do with them? We can't leave them here.”  
“You're right,” he said thoughtfully before looking back to Kate, “We'll have to find you a new home.”  
“A what?” Kate asked angrily, “I thought you were here to help! Get Earth back! End this nightmare!”  
Clara looked up between the Doctor and Kate, wishing she could contribute to the conversation, wishing she could help, but she had no idea what the Doctor was talking about.  
“I'm sorry, Kate. I really am. But Earth is gone, there is nothing I can do about that now. What I can do is find you a planet to live on. A planet where you can build a new home. A fresh start.”  
“Doctor, we are 243 people,” she said, “We cannot build a new society with 243 people!”  
“You can try. If you stay here it's going to be your certain death. Whether it be by starvation or suffocation, but one thing is for sure: you are going to die. On a planet you might have a chance, however slim that is.”

Kate took a deep breath and Clara knew she was considering her options. She realized that Kate was still their leader, and she was deciding the fate of everyone on board the Valiant an this precise moment. She needed to be sure her decision was the right one.  
“Trust the Doctor,” Clara heard herself say, “He has always helped you. It isn't his fault that he couldn't protect Earth this time, but give him the chance to make it up to you.”  
“Do you trust him?” Kate asked, “Really trust him?”  
“With my life and with that of my son,” Clara said determinedly and suddenly noticed the Doctor twitch next to her. She ignored it.  
“Your son?” Kate raised an eyebrow.  
“Long story,” Clara replied, “So, what's it gonna be, Kate? A chance at life or certain death?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews (and the biscuits :D) :)


	11. Chapter 11

Back in the TARDIS the Doctor was finally done connecting the TARDIS with the Valiant. He had explained it to Clara, but she had only understood it once he had started comparing it to a _tow rope_.  
“Are we going to find a planet?” Clara asked, still not entirely convinced.  
“Not we. _You_ ,” the Doctor replied with a wink.  
“ _Me_?”  
“Yes, you. It is better I don't know where that planet is. If I know, then the Erebos knows. It's safer if you do it,” the Doctor explained, taking hold of her hands and leading her to the telepathic interface embedded in the console unit. Clara had used it before, but she still hated how slimy and rubbery it felt. It also stung a little.  
“How am _I_ gonna find a planet?” Clara wanted to know.  
“Picture it,” the Doctor told her, “Picture the ideal planet for your people. What do they need apart from food and water? What do they eat and drink and breathe? What should the weather be like? Imagine all of that and the TARDIS will lead you to the next best thing.”  
Clara looked at him, finally seeing his old, vigorous self again. The Doctor was practically glowing with energy. And all of that because Clara was showing him that not all was lost just yet, that there was still hope at least for some.  
“Okay,” she agreed, “I'll try.”

Clara closed her eyes. At first she wasn't sure what she should be thinking about. She had seen so many planets while travelling with the Doctor, so many different things that it was hard to pin down what exactly would be the perfect planet to live on. Clara tried to remember her favourite smell from Earth. The salty sea air from her home town, that fresh breeze coming from the ocean. Or that one time she had been on holiday with her parents while still being a child. That mossy, slightly damp smell in the foggy Scottish highlands. Or being in a forest, smelling the earth below her feet where the sun hardly ever reached the ground. They would need trees and fields, large fields with fertile soil. And they would need to build houses, too. But they couldn't live off plants alone. What animals would that planet hold? Clara pictured stags and does and birds when suddenly the TARDIS engines came to life.  
“It's working, Clara, keep thinking about it,” the Doctor told her.  
She kept her eyes closed. An uninhabited planet. Pure and unsoiled, just waiting for the last of the humans to claim as their new home.

The TARDIS materialized and Clara was woken from her thoughts by a loud crash. The Doctor flinched slightly.  
“Oh, that was a bit of a rough landing for our friends,” he commented.  
“Are they okay?” Clara asked immediately.  
“Yes, they're fine. Probably just a bit shaken up. Now,” the Doctor stepped closer, his voice taking on that curious, mysterious tone, “shall we see what planet you picked?”  
He smiled, extending his hand to her. Clara took it reluctantly and they both headed out of the TARDIS doors.

Clara gasped when she stepped outside. She had imagined a beautiful planet, but she hadn't expected to find a paradise like this. They had landed in a large field by a crystal clear river and Clara was immediately overwhelmed by the sound of the wind in the trees of the nearby forest, the chanting birds and the sweet sound of the water.  
A few moments later the crew of the Valiant started emerging from the ship, gawking at the sight in front of their eyes. The Doctor took the sonic screwdriver from his pocket and began scanning the area.  
“Ozone levels are perfect. The air is clean and breathable for humanoid beings. No intelligent life on the entire planet. Nothing but a few, probably rather odd looking mammals, birds and fish. Earth 2.0,” the Doctor announced, “The planet has twin suns, but the seasons should be vaguely the same as on Earth, with slightly longer days.”  
“I don't know what to say,” Kate said, coming to a stop next to them, “It's stunning.”  
“We're not really calling it Earth 2.0, are we?” Clara found herself asking. If they had a chance of actually naming a planet, it should be something beautiful. Something that did this planet justice.  
“ _Hiraeth_ ,” the Doctor said, his eyes fixed on some point far off, “The yearning for a home you can't return to.”  
Clara looked up at him and found the Doctor sad again. Hiraeth was what he was feeling about Gallifrey, what everyone around her was feeling about Earth. Everyone but her. Clara had traded every home she had ever had for the TARDIS and travelling among the stars.  
“I don't know what to do,” Kate admitted seemingly lost.  
“You're their leader, Kate. Lead them,” the Doctor told her.   
“How?” she asked, “UNIT is one thing. This is a whole planet.”  
“You can stay in the Valiant for the time being, you still have food and water left, it looks like it's still spring. You have time to figure something out,” the Doctor said.

Kate took a deep breath before she turned around to face the soldiers who had all gathered behind them.   
“Okay, everyone, listen up. This planet, Hiraeth, is our new home now, but we have to work for it,” she pointed at a small group of people standing to her left, “You lot will start gathering some firewood. The rest of the soldiers will investigate the area, but be sure you are back here in 4 hours. Kitchen staff, you will refill our water tank, but be sure to scan for bacteria before you do that. Everyone else – take care of our wounded, bring them out here, if possible.”  
“I sincerely hope you rescued the caretakers as well,” the Doctor said once Kate had turned back around, “You'll need them to build shelters, houses, farming equipment.”  
“Yes, but what are we gonna eat once we run out of food?” Kate asked, “How will we know what plants are edible and what plants are poisonous?”   
“Watch the animals,” Clara suddenly found herself saying, “If they eat a certain plant, it's probably okay for humans as well.”  
"And I don't know about you," the Doctor said, nudging Clara in the ribs and pointing at something moving on the other side of the river, "but I'd say this could taste vaguely like chicken."  
Clara gasped, eyeing the creature that resembled one dinosaur or another that she had seen drawings of, but the skin seemed smooth, at least from a distance and where there should've been a forehead sat a big, third eye.  
"What is that?" Kate asked, flabbergasted.  
The Doctor shrugged. "That's entirely up to you now. If you asked me, I'd say it looks like a Paul."  
Clara chuckled. "There's your first law, Kate. The Doctor, Time Lord of the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborus, is hereby forbidden to name any plant, animal or creature."  
He scoffed. "That's a silly first law."  
Kate and Clara exchanged a few looks and started giggling.

The hours went by quickly and Clara and the Doctor helped Kate investigate the immediate area and build a fire for the slightly cooler nights. The soldiers returned pair by pair, telling them they found nothing but bizarre looking animals, strange plants and beautiful landscapes, even a sort of ocean and mountains.  
After a while Clara had settled down alone by the fire, watching the Doctor speak with some of the soldiers, telling them what they should do to start their life on Hiraeth.   
“So,” Kate said as she sat down in the grass next to Clara, staring at the fire, “Your son.”  
“What about him?” Clara turned to look at Kate.  
“Is he. . .” she paused.  
“What?” Clara was confused as to where this conversation would lead.  
“Is he _his_?” Kate asked, nodding her head towards the Doctor, who was still talking to the soldiers.  
“Oh,” Clara uttered, taken by surprise by Kate's question, “No. No, no, no. The Doctor and I spent a few years apart. Eoghan's father, he's. . . he died in the war.”  
“I'm sorry,” Kate said sincerely, “And your son is not with you on the TARDIS?”  
Clara turned her head, staring off into space, her attention was caught again by the Doctor. “My son is on Treon. The Doctor said there is no safer planet for him right now. We have some things to take care of before I return to him,” Clara explained.  
“Sorry for assuming that. . . you know. You and the Doctor.”  
Clara looked back at Kate. “It's okay. Nothing to apologize about.”

The Doctor turned around, now looking directly at her, smiling and started to make his way towards the fire.  
“So, are you happy with your new planet?” he asked Kate.  
“It's like paradise,” Kate replied, scrambling back to her feet, “And we better keep it that way. I saw some of the soldiers dropping their waste in the grass earlier. Say goodbye before you leave, yes?”  
While Kate was walking away in the direction the soldiers, the Doctor took her place next to Clara and let out a sigh of relief once he sat down in the grass.  
“It really is a lovely planet,” Clara said with a smile, leaning her head against the Doctor's shoulder, “Even the night sky is more beautiful here. The moons are so huge and beautiful.”  
“You could stay,” the Doctor suggested with a hint of sadness in his voice, “These are your people and this planet is now your home as well as theirs.”  
“What? And leave you alone again?,” Clara asked, taking his arm into hers, laughing, “You're lost without me, remember?”  
Clara felt the Doctor bend down and place a long, soft kiss on her head. “How could I forget?”  
She heard him take a deep breath. “These people are alive because of you, Clara. I never even considered that some might have made it out. Thank you for opening my eyes.”  
Clara nuzzled her cheek against the fabric of his coat. “Will they be okay? Will they make it?”  
“I don't know. I think so. _I hope so_. If you like we can pop a few years ahead and have a look,” the Doctor suggested.  
“Maybe another time,” Clara replied with a sigh, “Right now I just want to sit here with you.”  
The Doctor rested his head on her own and together they sat there, just staring into the starry sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews :)))


	12. Chapter 12

Clara had fallen asleep against his shoulder and the Doctor had been tempted. He knew that she would be safer on Hiraeth, with her own people, far away from him. He knew that he probably could have found a way to return her son to her as well, but he was sure that this time Clara wouldn't forgive him for abandoning her again. He was selfish and he loved her – and he wanted her with him. The Doctor swept her up and carried the sleeping Clara back into the TARDIS where he carefully set her down on her bed. She mumbled something, but without waking up. Covering her with the duvet, the Doctor stepped away and looked at her for a long moment. She was so beautiful. Had she always been this beautiful, or had he just been blind before? Once again, he felt overcome by the desire to kiss her. To lie down next to Clara and just forget the world. But instead he just bent down and gently placed a soft kiss on her cheek.  
Suddenly Clara's hand caught his wrist.  
“Can't wait for you to meet him,” Clara mumbled sleepily without opening her eyes.  
“Meet who?” the Doctor asked back, his voice low.  
“Eoghan,” she smiled, “He'll adore you.”

Eventually Clara had fallen back asleep and the Doctor walked outside, back to where Kate was standing next to the fire, just staring into the flames.  
“Some part of me still can't believe it,” Kate said without looking up, “That Earth really is gone.”  
“I feel the same way,” the Doctor said, “But it's not just Earth. Many planets went down in the war. Some disappearing completely, some have just been reduced to rubble, waiting for someone to rebuild them.”  
“I shouldn't have attacked you like that earlier. I'm sorry. I know that you would have helped if there had been a chance.”  
The Doctor took a long, deep breath. And then he began to tell Kate everything. The Erebos, abandoning Clara, the war, how she had found her way back to him and Kate listened without saying a word. He waited for her to judge him, to tell him to leave this world and never come back, but Kate didn't.  
“Don't let her go, Doctor,” Kate finally said.  
“I know. She would never forgive me a second time.”  
“That's not what I meant,” Kate turned to face him, looking slightly angry, “You need her and you know that. That being said, I do hope you will check in on us from time to time.”  
“Of course,” the Doctor replied before heading back to the TARDIS.

 

For a brief moment he considered checking in on Clara again, just to see her, just to spend a little more time in her presence, but eventually he decided against it and went to his own bedroom to catch a few hours of sleep. 

“Doctor, I've been thinking,” Clara's voice woke him up. Startled, he immediately sat up in bed.   
Clara was standing in the door of the bedroom, looking a little lost and insecure, and holding the vial with the poison that she had brought here to kill him.  
“Clara, what are you doing?” the Doctor asked warily.   
“I don't think it's safe for me to carry this around all the time, Doctor,” she finally said, looking at him, “I mean, we don't even know what it does. Vastra only told me not to touch it. We should put it somewhere safe.”  
The Doctor gave her a weak smile. “Clara, I don't think it could be safer anywhere than with you. I trust you. And we can't leave it lying around the TARDIS, not at the moment.”  
“I just wish I knew what it did,” Clara replied as she sat down on his bed, “Maybe this could help us defeat the Erebos. Don't you think we should find out?”  
He sighed and outstretched his hand. “Okay, give it to me.”  
Carefully Clara handed over the vial and the Doctor screwed it open and took a sniff, wrinkling his nose. He knew that smell. But he couldn't exactly tell what it was.  
“I'm pretty sure I should know this,” the Doctor said, smelling the liquid again, “But wherever I've smelled it before, that was a long, long time ago.”  
“Let me,” Clara said, taking the liquid from his hand again. 

It all happened too fast for the Doctor to prevent it. He could only watch Clara yank the vial from his hands, shaking it a little too much and a single drop of the poison found its way onto the skin of Clara's arm.   
Quickly he placed the cap back on the bottle and used the sheets to wipe the drop off her skin, but it had already started spreading. Apparently, on contact with skin, it changed its state from liquid to something else. Clara's skin was beginning to shine like the shell of a soap bubble and soon it was covering her entire arm.  
“Doctor,” she said, panting, her voice obviously panic-stricken, “I can't feel my arm.”  
She looked up at him, her large, brown eyes pleading for help.   
The Doctor was still in shock. He had recognized now. He knew what it was and he knew that Clara was lost. There was nothing that could help her now.  
“Doctor!” he almost yelled at him as he only watched the poison spreading over her body, engulfing her breast, making it impossible for her to breath, “Doctor, what is happening to me?”  
The Doctor inhaled sharply and jumped out of bed, pacing the room as if that could deliver an answer. He began tearing at his own hair, but nothing, nothing in this universe could help her. He wanted to cry, but somehow the tears failed to appear.  
Finally he turned back to Clara, who looked frightened.  
“Clara, I'm so sorry,” he said, kneeling down next to her, “It's not a poison. It's a Time Lock. It will freeze you in time.”  
Clara started crying. She looked so utterly terrified. “Unfreeze me, then,” she said with the last strength she could muster.  
The Doctor shook his head and finally the tears started running down his cheek. “I'm sorry. I don't have the power. Maybe if Missy was here, we could, but I can't do it alone. Clara, I am so, so sorry.”

A few seconds later the Time Lock had covered her face, leaving Clara like a statue. Not dead, but frozen in time forever. The Doctor bent down to kiss her lips that now felt cold before he slumped down next to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments :)))) *hands out more biscuits*


	13. Chapter 13

When Clara woke up the first thing she realized was that she was in desperate need of a shower. She had been so tired last night that she couldn't even remember how she had come to lie in her bed at all. Grabbing a towel, she headed into the next door bathroom and only managed to brush her teeth before the water ran out. Clara turned the tap a couple of times, but nothing happened.  
“It's time we got rid of this damn shadow thing,” Clara muttered angrily, “The TARDIS alone is moody enough.”

She made her way along the corridor and burst into the Doctor's bedroom.  
“Doctor, your time machine is acting up aga-” she stopped in her tracks when she saw him.   
The Doctor was kneeling next to his bed, his face buried in the sheets – next to what seemed a frozen likeness of her.  
“Doctor?” she asked carefully and stepped closer, but he didn't seem to hear her at all. He looked as if he was crying.  
Reluctantly Clara knelt down beside him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. The Doctor flinched under her touch and immediately looked up, his eyes red from crying. He was staring at her as if he couldn't believe what he saw.  
“Hey, what's going on?” she asked carefully.  
“Clara?”  
He looked up between her and the frozen statue sitting on his bed, still obviously confused. Clara could only imagine that this was another trick the Erebos had played on him. The Doctor's hands reached up to her face, caressing her skin, examining her, trying to determined whether she was real or not.  
“It's me, Doctor,” she told him, “Whatever _this thing_ is, it's not real.”

Before Clara knew what was happening the Doctor had suddenly launched forward and pressed his lips to her own. Clara's eyes widened in shock as he kissed her and she had half a mind to push him away and slap him for tackling her like that. But his hands were caught in her hair, holding her in place and just for a moment she opened her mouth to let him in. He kissed her with a desperation of someone who had lost everything and needed to make sure it would never happen again. Clara understood him. The Doctor had watched her die again, thinking it was real. She closed her eyes and kissed him back, only now realizing how good it felt, how much she wanted it as well. Their love for each other had always been there, but it had changed now like they had changed as people.  
The Doctor broke the kiss after a long moment, gently biting down on her lip before he finally let go.  
“My Clara,” he breathed, resting his forehead against her own, “I thought I had lost you.”  
“Never,” she replied quietly, her hands now resting on his shoulders, “I will never leave you, especially not like this.”

Slowly the Doctor scrambled back to his feet, helping Clara up as well. She watched him wipe the tears off his face before looking at the frozen image of her a long while.  
“It tricked me again,” he admitted, “Over the last 127 years I've watched you die in every way possible but now that you are back in the TARDIS. . . I just believed it. I thought it was real.”  
“What happened?” Clara wanted to know and gently laid her hand on his shoulder.  
“Do you have the poison on you?” the Doctor asked in return.  
“Yes, I always carry it in my bag,” she replied in confusion and started feeling for her bag, but it was empty, “No. The Shadow must have taken it. But how? I thought it couldn't harm us.”

The Doctor sank down on his bed, looking utterly crestfallen and Clara took the place next to him, worrying about what she might hear next.  
“It's my fault,” he said, looking at the Clara duplicate, “The Erebos itself can't touch you. But _she_ can. It must have taken control of her again.”  
“I don't think I understand. What is she other than one of the visions?”  
“She is,” the Doctor paused, inhaling sharply, “a hologram projection.”  
“I don't know about you, but she looks pretty solid to me.”  
“And that part is my fault. I gave her a body.”  
The tone in his voice almost sounded as if he was ashamed, but Clara didn't quite understand.   
“Why? What for?”  
The Doctor didn't look at her, or the projection for that matter, he only stared at his hands.  
“I was lonely after you were gone. I wanted someone to talk to, someone to. . .”  
Finally Clara was starting to get the drift. Carefully she rose from her seat.  
“Okay, somehow I get the feeling you didn't just want her for a game of Scrabble.”

The Doctor finally looked at her, the shame of what he had done so visible in his eyes that Clara didn't really feel the need to torture him further. But the imagine of the Doctor _doing things_ with a likeness of her disturbed her a little, although she couldn't really tell why it bothered her.  
“I'm sorry, Clara,” he apologized sincerely, “I really am.”  
“Okay, nevermind your. . . toy now. What happened to her?” Clara demanded to know.  
“I guess the Erebos was curious what kind of poison you brought into the TARDIS, maybe it felt threatened by it.”  
“And what kind of poison was it?”  
The Doctor took another deep breath. “A Time Lord poison. Rassilon created it and called it _Time Lock_. It freezes someone or something in time, not killing it, but rendering it completely harmless until the Time Lords decided to unfreeze them again.”  
“Can you unfreeze her again?” Clara asked curiously. She didn't really want him to do it, but she was curious if he could.  
He shook his head. “I don't have the power, not on my own. Maybe with the help of one other Time Lord it _could_ be possible, but I'm not even sure. Rassilon created some powerful weapons and this one I've not often seen in action.”

Clara thought that this whole revelation just created more questions than it answered.  
“But how did Madame Vastra come by a Time Lord weapon?” she asked.  
“Well, I can only guess, but I'd say from the only other Time Lord in existence.”  
“You mean the Master?”  
The Doctor turned his head, now looking at Clara again. “She calls herself Missy now.”  
Clara raised an eyebrow and almost broke out into laughter. “Really? That's. . . you can do that?”  
The Doctor shrugged. “Sex change regeneration was forbidden on Gallifrey. But since Gallifrey is gone and the Master was always slightly insane. I ran into her a few times when she was trying to hide from the Dalek forces. I don't even know if she's still alive. Missy is not so fond of this war, mainly because she didn't cause it. I guess Vastra must have found her – or the other way around.”

“Okay,” Clara exhaled sharply, “The real question is: Can we use it against the Erebos?”  
The Doctor shrugged. “I don't know. Like I said, there isn't much known about it at all.”  
“Then we're going to have to find people who know. What about the Sisterhood of Karn? They've helped you before, haven't they?”  
“Karn is gone. I wanted to ask them for help, but I was too late. There's nothing there where Karn used to be,” he admitted sadly.  
“But the Sisterhood is smart,” Clara said, “They would have seen their destruction coming. What if they are just hiding, waiting it out?”  
The Doctor looked up, obviously considering her words. “It's not impossible.”  
“Okay then,” Clara concluded, “Next step – find the Sisterhood of Karn. But first I really need a shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments :) Hope no one choked on their biscuits :D


	14. Chapter 14

Once she had stepped under the hot, steaming shower, Clara was sure she would be able to relax from the recent events, but her thoughts soon went back to the kiss she had shared with the Doctor earlier.  
He had kissed her as if that was something he had been wanting to do for a very long time and Clara had enjoyed it, more than she would like to admit. Even when he had worn a different face she had loved him, even more so after he had changed, despite his cold demeanour. Now Clara understood his motives behind that. And she also understood that he had missed her more than she had thought.   
Not only had he spent his time talking to a hologram projection of her, but he seemed to have done other things with her likeness as well. Clara imagined him in his room, lying on his bed together with a copy of herself, talking, kissing, making love and suddenly Clara felt herself grow angry as her imagination went on. What secrets had the Doctor shared with hologram Clara? What had he whispered into her ear in their most intimate moments? Had he taught her where he liked to be touched and kissed? Clara knew she should feel disgust or at least disappointment, but what she really felt was jealousy. Clara was jealous of her own hologram projection because it had come to know the Doctor in ways that she could only dream of. 

Finishing her shower more quickly than she had expected, Clara grabbed a snack from the TARDIS kitchen and headed back into the console room.  
“Doctor, I think we should tal-”   
A terrified scream escaped her lips as she found herself facing a Dalek in the middle of the console room.   
“Don't worry!” the Doctor shouted immediately and came running down the stairs, “It's empty. Just an empty Dalek shell.”  
Clara took a deep breath. “There's a chance I might regret asking this, but, why do you have an empty Dalek shell in your TARDIS? Please don't tell me it's another one of your toys.”  
The Doctor raised an eyebrow and obviously took a moment to understand what she was talking about. Then his features relaxed. “Noooo, silly Clara. I just landed and grabbed one from an old battlefield.”

Taking a bite off her toast, Clara let herself sink into one of the chairs.  
“Okay. Next silly question: Why?”  
The Doctor held up a note that said:

 

NOT YOUR ENEMY! NEED YOUR HELP!   
-THE DOCTOR

 

Then he proceeded to open the Dalek's head and placed the note inside before he slammed it shut again, grinning like a madman.  
Clara frowned at him. “Doctor, have you lost your mind now? Is that it?”  
“Quite the contrary, Clara, I have a plan,” he announced proudly.  
“And that plan involves hiding notes in carrier Daleks?”  
“Carrier Daleks? Ohhh, you mean like carrier pigeons? Yes, a little like that,” the Doctor said, “If Karn is really still where it used to be and just hiding from sight, we're going to fly the TARDIS into their atmosphere and drop the Dalek on Karn.”

She rose from her seat, looking first at the Doctor and then at the Dalek again.  
“I'm sorry, Doctor, but how could this not be seen as a threat?”  
“Because of the note, of course.”  
“And if Karn isn't there?” Clara asked.  
The Doctor only shrugged in reply. “One more Dalek floating around in space.”

Still not entirely convinced that it would work, Clara helped the Doctor move the Dalek to the door of the TARDIS once he had parked his time machine where he suspected the planet to be. Pushing it over the edge, they both watched the Dalek fall.  
“Haha! I knew it!” the Doctor exclaimed happily.  
Clara looked at him in confusion. “Knew what?”  
The Doctor stared back expectantly, but Clara had no idea what he was on about.  
“Well, what did you notice about the Dalek?”  
“Nothing, it just fell,” then it hit her, “Ohhhhh! There's gravity!”  
“Exactly. Karn is right beneath us,” he said, staring into the emptiness.  
“So what do we do now?”  
The Doctor shrugged. “Now we wait for their reply.”

He turned his back on her and walked back to the console unit. Clara watched him for a moment, her mind wandering back to this morning when he had kissed her.  
“Doctor,” Clara said suddenly, her voice a little insecure, “Are we gonna talk about what happened earlier?”  
She looked up to see him turn around slowly. The blank look on his face told her that he had no idea what she was talking about.  
“You. . .” she paused, “You kissed me. When you realized I wasn't frozen, you kissed me.”  
“You kissed me back,” he replied blatantly.  
“I know,” Clara said immediately, stepped closer until she came to a halt right in front of him, “And I. . . I think I'd like to do it again. Not now, obviously, just in general.”  
The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her, the look on his face unreadable again. Was he surprised? Happy? Clara couldn't tell and it worried her.  
“Doctor, please say something,” she begged him.  
“Why?” the Doctor asked back, “I mean, why not now?”  
Clara put her arms akimbo, staring at him with a slightly angry expression. “Because until I few days ago I hadn't seen you in over a decade. I was a widow, a single parent on a strange planet in a universe consumed by war. This isn't exactly the best timing. I need time to think about it, sort things out.”  
“I see,” the Doctor replied, bowing his head, a sad smile on his lips, “You've got your son to worry about.”  
“And you,” Clara reminded him, “We need to find a way to free you of this shadow. Any personal business between you and me will just have to wait.”

She waited for the Doctor to reply, but his eyes were fixed on the screens and when Clara turned around she noticed that a planet had appeared on the map where a few moments ago had been nothing but emptiness.  
“Is that Karn?” she asked him, pointing at the red globe.  
“Yes,” the Doctor hissed, “And I believe the Sisterhood is awaiting us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments :D


	15. Chapter 15

“Doctor,” Ohila said, a curious smile curling around the corners of her mouth, “Step closer. I don't think I have seen that face properly.”  
The Doctor shot Clara a look and she nodded, understanding that he would have to talk to them on his own. Carefully he approached the high priestess. He had always been wary of the Sisterhood of Karn. For his liking they always knew a little too much about the future without ever travelling to it at all.   
“How old are you now, Doctor?” the woman asked.  
He shrugged in reply. “2000 and then some, though it depends. Are we talking Earth years, Gallifreyan years, Karn years? The result would be a completely different one. There is one planet, I always forget the name, I wouldn't even be 200 if we used their way of counting time.”  
Ohila gave him a smile, but it was unkind. “And you still talk too much and too little of value.”  
“Ah, you know me.”  
“Yes, and you asked for our help. So tell me, why have you come here, Doctor?”

The Doctor took a deep breath. He was sure she knew everything about him, about the Erebos, about Clara, but she still demanded his story. It was her way of making him feel guilty about not asking for their help earlier, for allowing the war to even happen. It felt like the conversation they had had during the Time War all over again. And the Doctor told her everything, every last detail, leaving nothing out simply because he knew that Ohila would have guessed even his darkest secrets.   
“I see,” she replied once he had finished.  
“How do I defeat it?” the Doctor wanted to know, “How do I get rid of it?”  
“The poisons she carries will do just fine,” the woman nodded towards Clara who was still waiting patiently by the TARDIS.  
“Poisons?” the Doctor raised an eyebrow, “Are you talking about the Time Lock?”  
Ohila smiled again. “You will soon learn what I am talking about. Freezing the Erebos in time will not be the problem, but first it needs to come out of its shell.”  
“How do I make it?”

The Doctor watched Ohila's eyes close. She didn't reply for a long time, but seemed to sink into a kind of meditation. Unsure of what he should do, the Doctor glanced around, but spotting nothing that sparked his interest while he waited impatiently for Ohila to continue.   
The her eyes shot wide open again.

"At the end of the Doctor the sky will crack open and give birth to the lost one. The hand will mark either the downfall or the uprising of the renegade. But before that happens, Doctor, both Clara and yourself will have to pay the ultimate price,” she said simply, “It begins _now_.”

 

A shrill alarm signal coming from the TARDIS left the Doctor no time at all to ponder her words. He knew immediately what it meant, having set it up only a few days ago. Without even saying another word to Ohila he turned on his heels and rushed back to the TARDIS, grabbing Clara's hand and dragging her along with him.  
“Doctor, what's happening? What's with the alarm?” she asked.  
He didn't answer. He didn't know what he could have said to her without sending her into a state of panic. Slamming the door shut behind them, he quickly approached the console unit and frantically entered the coordinates. The TARDIS engines roared.  
“Doctor, talk to me!” Clara demanded, “What's happening?”  
The Doctor glanced at her, seeing that fright in her eyes, that fear that something bad might have happened. He just didn't know how to tell her.  
A few seconds later the TARDIS landed with a loud thud. 

“Answer me!” Clara said angrily, almost shouting at him now, “What's going on? Where are we?”  
The Doctor took a deep breath, not taking his eyes off Clara.  
“Treon,” he said simply.

He saw the realisation strike her, her eyes growing bigger before she broke out into a run, heading for the door. The Doctor was able to catch her arm at the last second.  
“Clara, wait!” he shouted, “You don't know what's going on out there. We were able to land on Treon, Clara, which means the shields are no longer active. This planet is under attack.”  
“I have to get my son!” she yelled at him, trying to struggle free off his grasp.  
“I know,” he said, trying to sound as calm as possible, “Let me go out first, okay? I swear, I will do everything I can to get your son to safety.”  
His words seemed to have a calming effect on her and Clara stopped struggling. However once he had let go off her she darted straight out of the door.  
The Doctor followed her on her heels, but she didn't run far. As soon as the were both out of the door, Clara stopped and they both stared at the destruction on front of them.

He recognized the former building immediately, not because of the architecture, that was nothing more than a pile of smoking rubble, but because of the metal monument that somehow still stood right next to where the orphanage used to be.   
Bombs were still going off all around them and the Doctor spotted a few Sontarans in the distance. He knew it was too late. He knew that whatever had caused the Sontarans to attack, they wouldn't have left survivors. Clara's son was buried somewhere beneath the rubble in front of them and there was no hope left at all.  
“Is that where you left him?” Clara asked, her voice broken.  
The Doctor looked at her figure and suddenly she seemed smaller than ever. He placed a hand on her shoulder, but Clara quickly shrugged it off and staggered towards the pile of debris.   
“We should leave,” the Doctor found himself saying. It was too late for Eoghan, but he could still save Clara, “There is nothing we can do, Clara, we have to go.”  
“No,” she replied and bent down, her tiny hands working to clear the ground of the debris.  
“This is a full Sontaran attack. They don't leave survivors. Clara, please!” he urged her, but Clara didn't budge.   
He watched her as she lifted stone after stone, throwing them in all directions. She couldn't believe it. She had to see it for herself, but it was his job to keep her safe.   
Just like it had been his job to keep Eoghan safe, but he had failed miserably. Clara would never forgive him for that.   
All he could do was watch Clara dig frantically as the tears were running down her cheeks. She never said a word. Instead she kept digging.  
“Clara,” the Doctor said softly, trying again to make her see reason when finally she stopped.

As the Doctor looked down he saw the reason. A small boy, buried beneath the rubble, was lying lifelessly among the dirt, his face peaceful except for a few wounds on his forehead.  
“Is that. . .?” the Doctor couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence, but Clara was already shaking her head, turning her face away from the dead boy and burying it in the Doctor's coat. He closed his arms around her.  
“We have to leave, Clara,” he whispered into her ear. 

 

Somehow the Doctor managed to lead Clara back to the TARDIS and took off and shortly after they found themselves hovering over the planet. Clara was sitting at the rim of the TARDIS door, her feet dangling in space and her head resting against the door frame. The Doctor knew she was watching the planet, watching the smoke rise from the surface, creating a dark layer all around the globe.   
“Is it possible that he is still alive down there?”   
He had been waiting for the question, dreading it because the Doctor knew that she knew the answer to that. Without replying he handed her a cup of tea.  
“What is that?” she asked him.  
“Tea,” he lied. He had mixed it with a strong sedative to help her sleep, telling himself that she needed the rest. But if the Doctor was completely honest with himself it was because he was afraid of what she might ask of him, of what he might do to help her. He had a time machine after all and he wasn't sure if he had the strength to refuse her.  
“Drink it,” he told her softly and Clara complied.

They sat in silence for a long while, watching the planet, with no other sound than Clara sipping her tea quietly.   
“I promise we'll come back for him as soon as the Sontarans are gone,” the Doctor said after a while and looked at Clara. She only stared back at him, her eyes already clouded.  
That was the least he could do for her. The only thing he could do for her. The son of Clara Oswald should not find his final resting place in the dirt of a battlefield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews :)


	16. Chapter 16

Before she had drifted off complete the Doctor had carefully swept her up and started carrying her in the direction of her bedroom. When his arms wrapped around her, Clara opened her eyes again, looking at him.  
“I don't blame you,” she said sleepily, “You should know that.”  
“And you should sleep,” the Doctor replied as he laid her down on the bed.   
He waited until he was sure she really was sleeping before quietly retreating into the depths of the TARDIS to think, afraid of what the days to come might yet bring for the two of them. 

 

When she woke up for good Clara had no idea how much time had passed, and yet she felt like she had slept for days, always drifting in and out of sleep, plunging from one nightmare into the next.   
Nothing of what happened felt quite real and sometimes Clara caught herself questioning if she might have dreamed all of it, including returning to the Doctor, but the quiet sounds of the TARDIS always brought her back into reality before she fell back asleep.   
But now she had woken up for good and there was no way Clara could stay in her bed any longer, but she couldn't quite shake the feeling that everything had been a distant dream. She needed a distraction. She needed company. She needed her Doctor now, so Clara grabbed her bathrobe and headed for the TARDIS corridors.

After finding them, as well as the console room empty, Clara carefully stepped inside his bedroom, watching the Doctor for a moment as long as he was still unaware of her presence. He was lying on his back, eyes open, staring at the ceiling and twirling his thumbs around each other. He really was oblivious to her being in his room.  
“I can't sleep any longer,” she said after a moment and finally the Doctor looked up at her.   
He blew the air out of his lungs. “Yeah, me neither.”  
Clara approached him, letting herself sink into the mattress of his bed, her arm immediately finding its way around his chest and pulling herself closer to him. Clara needed this proximity now, she needed his touch, his comfort.   
“You can stay here if you like,” the Doctor replied, turning around to kiss her forehead. His arms wrapped gently around her.   
She looked at him, his eyes so full of love and worry for her, and Clara wished that she could tell him she'd be fine, so instead she pulled his face down to hers and kissed him, locking their lips in a kiss to which he only reluctantly complied.   
As soon as his mouth opened and she could feel his tongue scraping across her own Clara knew that his walls were coming down, she knew she had him. Ever since he had been so bashful about her discovery of the Clara projection she had known that he wanted her – in every way – and right now _that way_ was what she needed.   
Sliding her hand down over his chest Clara could feel his heartbeats quickening in response to her touch and she gathered her courage and let her hand wander further down, over his belt and finally resting on his crotch.   
Suddenly the Doctor pulled away from her, looking more startled than anything else.   
“Clara,” he swallowed audibly, “What are you doing?”  
She extended her hand again, grabbing his crotch that he had so abruptly pulled away from her.  
“You know exactly what I'm doing,” she said and was about to bend forward and kiss him again, when a gentle hand stopped her, keeping her at arm's length.  
“I don't think this is the right time. You're grieving. You don't know what you're doing,” the Doctor said, his voice low and careful.   
Clara squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “No. I know exactly what I'm doing. I want this. I want you. I _need_ you,” she looked at him again, trying very hard to hold back her tears, “I want comfort. I just want to feel something that is _not this_.”  
She heard the Doctor sigh.   
“I know you want me. I know what you did with the hologram projection. So why won't you do it with me?” Clara asked angrily.   
“Because it's wrong,” he said softly, one hand stroking the hair out of her face, “Because you're grieving. Because I don't want you to regret it. Because I'd feel like I'm using you. Because. . . I love you too much to do that.”  
Clara frowned at him. “If you really loved me you'd understand what I am going through.”  
“Clara, that really isn't fair,” he objected, pulling his hands away from her face. He looked hurt at her accusation.  
“You know what's not fair? You abandoning me twelve years ago, my husband dying in a war he played no part in, my son dying in the same damn war. I know we're trying to put an end to it, but right now it just looks like we're paying and paying and paying and getting nothing whatsoever in return and I'm tired of it. I just want to feel something other than pain, even if it's just for one night. Don't you?”

The Doctor took a long time to reply and Clara knew he was considering his options, fearing his answer would still be no.   
“Okay,” he finally agreed, although he didn't look particularly happy about it, “ _But_. . . if we're going to do it, we're going to do it my way.”  
Clara nodded, then her face turned into a frown. “Okay, what. . . what exactly is _your way_?”  
Gently the Doctor placed his hands on her temples and Clara watched him curiously as she felt a slight tingle on her skin.  
“I'm going to establish a telepathic link between us. Unfortunately, this can only be a one way street. Humans don't have the mental capacity to do that,” the Doctor explained woefully as if he was wishing she could do the same with him.   
“What?” Clara asked immediately, slightly taken aback by the idea of him being inside her head.  
“Don't worry,” he said calmly, “It won't hurt and I won't invade your privacy.”  
“Then why do you need to do that?”  
The Doctor took a deep breath. “Do you trust me?” he asked sincerely.  
Clara considered it for a moment, still not entirely comfortable with the idea, but he was her Doctor. If she couldn't trust him, she could trust no one else.  
“Okay, let's do this,” Clara agreed. 

The Doctor closed his eyes and when the tingling in her temples increased, Clara did the same. She had never really thought about what a telepathic link would feel like, but she certainly hadn't imagined it to be like this. For a second she was slightly dizzy, as if she was falling through space, the stars rushing past her. Then there was nothing anymore. Just Clara and the Doctor.   
“How are you feeling?” his low voice woke her from her thoughts.  
Clara opened her eyes again. “Good, I think.”  
“Do you still want to do it?” the Doctor asked carefully and Clara looked at him, her beautiful Doctor, and she had no idea how she could not want him. Ever since he had flown his blue box into her life, there had been no one else for her. She smiled and nodded. 

His hands cupped her cheeks, gently pulling her closer for another kiss, their limbs beginning to tangle in each other, their hands carefully feeling under their clothes. It didn't feel like the other times she had made out with a man, it felt like dancing with a partner who could predict every single one of her moves, who completed her, who pushed her and she knew he would still be there to catch her at the very last second.   
The Doctor kissed his way down her neck, discarding her clothing and his own as he went on and Clara clawed into his back as he covered her breasts and her stomach with caresses and soon she started to feel the heat gathering between her thighs. Clara could only blame the link between them, because how else would he know just exactly where to touch her?  
She gasped when his tongue found its way into her wet, aching folds and she arched her back further up to meet him, her fingers digging into his scalp. Oh, how could he ever assume he was using her? She buried her hands deeper into his curls as his hot tongue plunged into her, finding exactly that spot that almost made her lose it then and there.   
“Oh yes, right there,” Clara whimpered, her breath shallow and fast, as his thumb started rubbing against her clit. Softly at first, then applying more pressure as she went along. Soon his touch was overwhelming and she felt herself coming apart in his hands, panting and muttering his name.

Clara needed a moment to catch her breath and for the first time since they had started she looked at the Doctor who was kneeling naked and vulnerable in front of her and now she understood that he really loved her, that for the past 127 years he had been aching for her, aching for this. His eyes were dark with lust, but not overcome by it. They still held that spark she had seen so many times when he looked at her. Clara wanted to tell him that she loved him, too, but something held her back. Maybe she didn't think he would believe it under these circumstances.  
She pushed herself into a sitting position. Now on eye level with the Doctor she leaned forward and kissed him again, a little more hungrily than before. He wrapped his arms around her and they both toppled over, falling back into the sheets with Clara on top of him. For a moment she considered giving him back everything that he had just given to her, treating him like a king, like he had just treated her like his queen. She looked down at him, running her hands through the few grey hairs that lined his chest before her gaze dropped lower, revealing his throbbing erection that was practically begging her to let him enter.   
Right now, lying beneath her, the Doctor, a Time Lord of the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous, was only just a man. Clara concluded that for any special treatment there would still be time later.   
She reached down, wrapping her hand around his length, watching the Doctor throw his head back into the pillows as she gave him a couple of strokes until he was rock solid in her hand. His hands wandered to her waist, pulling her closer and almost on top of him. Clara held him firmly, positioning him before she slowly lowered herself on top of him. The Doctor groaned beneath her, his fingernails digging into her skin. She needed a moment to get used to the feeling of him, the feeling of having his hard, hot member inside of her before she slowly began to establish a rhythm, pushing herself down onto him and gasping as he started to meet her, thrusting up to hit deeper.   
“My Clara,” he panted, his eyes closed, hands unable to decided whether they wanted to remain on her hips or move to her breasts, caressing her as she rode him, sliding down on his cock in an increasing pace.   
“Mhhhh, yes, Clara,” he moaned and suddenly, breaking their rhythm, he sat up, grabbing her by the waist and before she knew what was happening, he had turned them around and was on top her, crushing their lips together as he entered her again, making her gasp at the first impact. Clara swung her legs around him to allow him in deeper, his thrust now faster and she was beginning to fall again, the feeling of him almost too much to bear.   
Her orgasm hit her more abruptly this time, yet he kept going, pushing further into her, only increasing the feelings of ultimate release and Clara was no longer able to hold back from screaming his name right as she felt the Doctor come to a halt and he spilled himself inside of her with a long, satisfied groan. 

As they lay in the sheets, Clara nestled her head against his bare chest that was still heaving, feeling his heartbeats so much stronger than ever before and for a moment there was nothing but happiness. The Doctor was caressing her hair until he finally lifted both his hands to her temples again.  
"No," Clara said weakly, brushing one of his hands out of the way.  
"Clara," the Doctor replied softly, "I have to sever the connection again. I know you don't want to feel the pain, but you have to. Trust me, if I could, I would take it all off your shoulders. But you have to feel it. It's what makes you human as much as love and happiness."  
Clara shook her head. She knew he was right. She knew she would have to face her demons soon. She knew it in the back of her mind that the pain, the grief, and the emptiness of loss were still there, but the Doctor was suppressing them like an anaesthetic.   
"Not yet, please," she begged.   
"Clara," he began again, but when she looked up at him she knew that he had already given in.  
"Just a bit longer."  
She heard the Doctor sigh as he bent down and kissed her forehead gently before pulling her closer to himself.  
"Just for the night," he told her.


	17. Chapter 17

When Clara woke up the bed next to her was empty and she could feel that while she had slept the Doctor had severed their telepathic link. But even though all of her grief had returned Clara felt as if she was seeing things more clearly now. Not bothering with her clothes, she only reached for her robe and headed out into the corridors. The first thing she noticed was that they seemed brighter than they had before and she could easily find her way back to the console room, yet when she stepped inside, she found more than just the Doctor there. The whole room was swarming with people.  
“Ah, Clara, you're up!” the Doctor greeted her, quickly giving instructions to one of the men before heading towards her.  
“Doctor, what's going on?” Clara demanded to know, confused at the many people in the TARDIS, “Who are all of these people?”  
He glanced around, scanning the crowd for a moment before turning back to her.  
“These are the people we saved from the Valiant. They all volunteered to help us,” the Doctor explained.  
Clara furrowed her brows at him. “Help with what?”  
For a moment the Doctor said nothing. He took a deep breath and his face suddenly looked a lot more sombre than it had before. “We're going back to Treon. While you slept I went to Hiraeth and asked if anyone would be willing to help dig for the remains of the children that used to live in the orphanage. I thought,” he paused, “I thought you might want to bury your son on Hiraeth. Leaving the other children just wouldn't seem fair.”  
“Doctor, can I talk to you for a moment?” she asked and before he could answer, Clara grabbed him by his sleeve, dragging him into the empty corridor, away from everyone else.   
Again she noticed how much brighter they were.  
“Have you done something with the light in here?” she asked, looking around.   
“It's brighter,” the Doctor said, a hint of a smile on his lips.  
“Yeah, I've noticed.”  
“I think it's the Erebos retreating,” the Doctor said, “I think we somehow forced it to give up part of its control over the TARDIS, but don't ask me how. Was that what you wanted to ask me?”

Clara hesitated for a moment, thinking about how she should ask him, but then decided it didn't really matter.  
“You have a Time Machine,” she said hopefully.  
The Doctor frowned. “Yes, I know.”  
“No, I mean, we can go back in time. Before the attack on Treon even happened. We could save the children.”  
He remained silent, his expression suddenly becoming stern.   
“I can't do that, Clara. That's not how it works,” he said softly.  
She took a deep breath. “I know it's against the rules but we break the rules all the time. So why not now? Please, let's just go back and get my son out of there.”  
Covering his face in his own hands, the Doctor let out a long groan.  
“I wish I could. I really did,” he said desperately, “You know I'd do anything for you but this isn't just against the rules, Clara, it's impossible.”  
“Why?” she asked angrily, “Why is it impossible? We change things all the time. Why not this time? Why not the death of my son?”  
The Doctor gently placed his hands on her shoulders. Clara knew it was meant as a comforting gesture, but it only infuriated her more.   
“Because we already know it happened. If we went back and saved your son, we would erase the reason that made you ask me this in the first place. It would create a paradox. It could tear a hole in the universe.”  
“The universe is already doomed,” Clara shouted, “Look at it. It is consumed by war. How much worse could it possibly get?!”  
“Oh, it could get a lot worse, trust me,” he said, “Clara, I know it's hard. I know how much you wish you could undo this, but you can't. And if you understood, you wouldn't want to. Or is the life of one individual suddenly worth more than the entire rest of the universe?”

Clara looked at him and in his eyes she could see that he was right. But she had to try. She had to ask him at least. It had been her last hope.   
“I just want my son back,” Clara said sadly and she could feel the tears coming again.  
The Doctor took one more step toward her and wrapped his arms around Clara protectively.  
“I know,” he whispered, “And I understand.”  
He paused, but there was something odd about his tone and Clara felt like there was more that he wanted to say, but he was afraid of it. She could feel it.  
“Why are you afraid, Doctor?” she asked quietly.  
He sighed. “Because I understand too well. Because I am not sure what I would do to protect the person I love most in the universe and I am terrified of what I might be capable of.”  
Clara nestled her face up against his chest, crying silently. “You'd do the right thing. You always do the right thing.”

 

As soon as Clara had calmed down she went to get dressed and shortly after they landed on Treon. The ruins were still smoking and the UNIT soldiers immediately began their work, digging for the remains of the children. Clara helped as best as she could, but she soon found her strength fading and needed to sit down. When they found the first body Clara broke out in tears again and with every dead child she saw she could feel her heart sinking lower and lower. Not a single one of them had made it out alive and Clara knew that her son was still buried somewhere under that pile of debris, her last hopes of finding him alive fading with every second that passed.  
“He's still breathing!” one of the UNIT soldiers suddenly shouted and Clara immediately rose to her feet.   
She hurried over to where a small crowd was gathering to help free the child and she didn't even dare hope that it was her own. It could be. It could be Eoghan. He was strong.  
When Clara saw his face she wanted to scream. The soldiers helped the small boy stand up once he was freed from the rubble, but it wasn't her son.   
“Clara,” the Doctor's voice said behind her and she turned around. His expression was grave. “We found him. I'm sorry.”

The rest of the day went by with Clara hardly being aware of it at all. After she had seen the face of her son, the evidence that there really was no coming back for him, she retreated to the TARDIS, unable to watch the UNIT soldiers at work any longer. She went back to her bedroom and only vaguely noticed when the TARDIS set in motion again hours later. It took even longer for the Doctor to come and find her.

When Clara stepped out of the TARDIS, dressed all in black, she was immediately greeted by Kate, who led her to the graveyard they had dug for the children on Hiraeth. It looked different now than it had during her first visit. The last humans had already started to build a simple town, leaving the Valiant at the centre of it and Clara was led right past it towards the graveyard where a couple of graves had already been filled.  
“What happened?” Clara asked, looking for an excuse to break the silence.  
“Accidents,” Kate stated simply, “Two men fell off the town wall while they were working on it. One was attacked by an animal on the hunt.”  
Clara only nodded.   
“The Doctor chose a special spot for your son,” Kate told her softly, “He dug it himself, saying you would want that.”  
“That's right,” Clara replied weakly.

When the funeral began the Doctor appeared at her side and Clara reached out and took his hand. She couldn't do it without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments :))))


	18. Chapter 18

“You want me to stay on Hiraeth, don't you?” Clara asked as they walked back to the TARDIS. Her gaze wandered over the town and for a moment she pictured herself living here, but the thought of it alone made her stomach turn. The boy they had saved from Treon was sitting on the steps of the Valiant, cleaned up, but still looking terrified. Clara hated the sight of him with all her heart. It could have been Eoghan in his place. No, living here was the last thing she wanted.   
“What I want doesn't matter. You'd be safe here,” she heard the Doctor say, “But no. I am selfish. I want you with me.”  
Clara turned around and caught him smiling at her. It was a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless.   
“Can we go somewhere?” she wanted to know, “I don't care _where_ we go, I just want to do _something_. You know, like the old days. Just you and me on the run.”  
“Running won't change what has happened. I speak from experience. If it was possible to outrun the past or the future, that would be great, but it's not possible.”  
“That's not what I meant,” Clara grabbed the handle and pushed the TARDIS door open, “I just need some time off. We still have the Erebos thing to figure out, but I can't concentrate on anything. There is just so many questions at once.”

The Doctor closed the door behind him and took a deep, long breath.   
“Why did Vastra assume the poison would _kill_? Why did Missy give it to her? What is _she_ aiming at?” the Doctor said after a long time and Clara wasn't sure whether he was asking her or himself.  
“What did the Ohila tell you, anyway? You never said.”  
The Doctor took a moment to think, obviously trying to remember that day on Karn. To Clara it seemed like years had passed since then.   
“Ohila said 'The _poisons_ she carries will do just fine' – to defeat the Erebos. You don't happen to have another poison on you apart from the Time Lock, do you?”  
Clara shook her head. “No. That was all that Vastra gave me. That and the teleporter.”  
The Doctor groaned in frustration. “This is a riddle. I _hate_ riddles,” he took another breath, “Okay, let's think about it. Ohila said we had to coax the Erebos out of its shell to use the Time Lock on it. How do we do that, Clara?”

She thought about it for a moment, then an idea hit her. “Earlier you said the Erebos was retreating from the TARDIS, that we forced it to give up part of its control over it. How did we do that? I was asleep for so long, so what happened?”  
The Doctor cleared his throat. “You and I. We happened. For a moment we were happy. . . which, I guess, by extension. . . is a sort of poison for something that feeds of despair and fear.”  
Clara raised an eyebrow. “So, that's it? We're just supposed to be happy and the Erebos goes away? I'm sorry, but that sounds too easy.”  
He walked up the stairs to his favourite armchair and sank down in the cushions. “It's not _that_ easy, Clara. The Erebos made sure we have every reason not to be happy. Besides, there is still a greater picture behind this that I'm missing if Missy chose to come out of her hiding place to throw the Time Lock into the game. Where did she get it anyway?”  
She had followed him, taking her usual place next to the Doctor.  
“So Missy knows something that you don't. Or she just wants to kill you.”  
He stared off into space for a while, thinking, pondering over her words.  
“I don't know,” the Doctor finally admitted and paused again before slowly saying: “ _At the end of the Doctor the sky will crack open and give birth to the lost one. The hand will mark either the downfall or the uprising of the renegade. But before that happens both you and I will have to pay the ultimate price_.”

Clara stared at him. “Is that a prophecy?”  
“I guess so,” the Doctor replied, “And it's another riddle I don't understand.”  
“Mhhh. _The ultimate price_. That means 'death', right? Eoghan's death?”  
“Could be. If not,” the Doctor stopped, “I dread to think.”  
“What?” Clara asked.  
“Nothing,” the Doctor said and suddenly rose from his seat, extending his hand to Clara, “Come on.”

She took his hand as a reflex without even thinking about it, before the question even began to dawn on her.  
“Where are we going?”  
Clara followed him to the console unit and watched as the Doctor entered some coordinates. He pulled the lever.  
“On holiday.”  
“What?” Clara was confused.  
“Well, we're not going to solve this riddle by just sitting around. You said you wanted to go somewhere. I say Limnos 4. Ever been in a non-gravity swimming pool? I haven't, but I bet it's fun. Shall we find out?” he asked enthusiastically, but Clara wasn't fooled by his sudden change. She knew him too well by now to fall for this trick.  
“Doctor, what's going on?” she asked warily.   
“Nothing,” it was an obvious lie, “We need to take our minds off the Erebos. Off everything. To defeat it, we have to be happy, so I suggest we go out and have some fun. I've heard they offer sleep-reading. And I could do with a nice android massage. What do you say?”  
Clara shrugged. “You've had worse ideas, I guess.”  
“Good, let's go.”

The Doctor strode out of the TARDIS, Clara following him on her heels and as soon as they had stepped out she noticed that he had parked his TARDIS in the middle of the gigantic parking place, blocking a spot meant for a much bigger vehicle.  
But the planet itself looked beautiful, not much unlike a Caribbean island resort, only with a much more comfortable climate. The Doctor headed straight for what looked like a small palace and appeared to be the main building. He didn't stop until they had reached the reception.  
“Hello, I'm the Doctor. _The D-o-c-t-o-r_ ,” he repeated his name, “And this is _Clara Oswald_. We'd like a room, please, and an all-inclusive package on every activity you offer.”  
Clara raised an eyebrow at him as he cleared everything with the receptionist. It was a nice and wonderful idea and she was looking forward to getting a massage and spending some time here, but she couldn't shake the feelings that the Doctor had an ulterior motive for coming here. He had made absolutely sure the TARDIS was parked in plain sight and he was stressing both their names a bit too much that Clara got the distinct feeling he wanted everyone to know who they were and that they were here. 

“Ready?” he asked, waking her from her thoughts.  
Clara turned around and smiled at him. “Ready when you are.”  
She took his arm and let the Doctor lead her to their room, vowing that she would find out what exactly he was up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments :)


	19. Chapter 19

Clara turned her head to watch the Doctor lying next to her. He looked lost in his own thoughts and she wished she could see what was going on in his mind. Carefully she reached out to touch him. He looked at her and smiled one of his pretend smiles.  
“What's wrong?” Clara asked him quietly.   
“Everything. Everything's wrong,” he admitted sadly.   
“I know there's something you're not telling me. You know something. What is it?”  
The Doctor scoffed. “There's a lot of things I know, and a lot of things I don't tell you. Remember that system you introduced to the TARDIS library? I got rid of that. Never told you.”  
“That's not what I mean,” Clara wanted to say but the Doctor opened his mouth to speak again.  
“We should put on some clothes and go down to the buffet. You should eat something and I think some massage droids are waiting downstairs in the wellness area.”  
“Doctor-”  
It was no use. He had already gotten out of bed and reached for his clothes, so Clara decided to do just the same. 

They headed downstairs to find a very delicious looking buffet in the dining room, but Clara didn't feel very hungry. Eating was not on her list of things that made her forget everything else that was happening. It took some persuading and coaxing from the Doctor's side until Clara finally reached for a couple of exotic fruits and they both headed for their table. She did feel a little better after eating when the Doctor shuffled her into the wellness area to get a massage and Clara was grateful that he stayed in the same room, talking to her while the droid worked on her back. Anything to keep her mind off the grief. 

“Do you want to try the sleep-reading next? Or the non-gravity swimming pool?” the Doctor asked her as they headed out of the wellness area, “I hope you feel more relaxed already?”  
Clara turned around to look at him, a frown on her face. “Doctor, tell me what's going on. Why are you so insistent that I relax? And why did you act so strange when we got here? You announced us so thoroughly I thought you'd write 'The Doctor is here' on the surface of the planet next.”  
The Doctor suddenly felt the pockets of his jackets and sighed. “I forgot my psychic paper in the TARDIS. Fancy a quick walk?”  
Clara shrugged. The Doctor took it as a yes and they both left the main building, approaching the blue box she could already spot parked in the distance. 

“I want us to be found,” the Doctor said after a moment.  
“What?” Clara shot around, “Why?”  
“It's almost time. I can feel it,” he said gravely, his voice full of fright, “We have to face the Erebos soon, that's why I wanted you to relax. But I have to talk to Missy first. She knows something.”  
Clara gasped. “You led your arch-enemy _here_? To find us? You _do_ remember it was her who sent the poison, right?”  
The Doctor stepped through the TARDIS doors and Clara followed him, closing them behind her. He began rummaging through his drawers until he finally found what he had been looking for. Checking it, both saw that it was empty. The Doctor groaned in frustration.  
“We don't have much time,” he said desperately, “What's keeping her?”  
Clara had enough. She put her arms akimbo and started yelling. “Doctor, it is time for the truth! Now!”  
The Doctor took a step into her direction and when he spoke his voice was furious. “It's simple, Clara. The prophecy said we _both_ have to pay the ultimate price. You already paid yours and I need to face the Erebos before it even gets the chance of taking you away from me!”  
“What?!”  
The Doctor took one last step forward, reached for her face with both his hands and bent down for a swift kiss that startled Clara so much she immediately pulled away.  
“Doctor, what's gotten into you?!” she asked angrily.   
“The Erebos can have the entire universe if it wants. I don't care. But it's not taking you away from me. I need to find out what Missy knows. And I hope she gets here before my enemies do.”

He pocketed the psychic paper, but not before checking it one last time for a message from Missy, then the Doctor headed out of the TARDIS again, Clara following directly behind them.   
“Oh no,” he muttered, “We're too late.”  
It was all happening too fast for Clara to really comprehend. She had buried her son mere hours ago, then the Doctor had whisked her off to this leisure planet, only to tell her he had called upon his arch-enemy. And now that she looked up into the sky she could see a large fleet of Dalek ships hovering over the planet.   
“Doctor, what are we gonna do?” Clara asked desperately, clutching on to his arm.  
He took a moment to reply. “We run.”  
“We can't just let the Daleks destroy this planet!” Clara let go of his arm and looked him in the eyes, “That's not what we do!”  
“It is now. I have to keep you safe,” the Doctor replied and grabbed her arm again, attempting to drag her back into the TARDIS when suddenly they heard something call his name.

“Doctor! Doctor, wait!”  
A woman came running towards them and when the Doctor saw her he stopped. Clara immediately knew that it was Missy. But once she came closer Clara also spotted a Dalek right on her heels and realized she would never make it.   
“Missy! Behind you!” Clara shouted and watched the woman turn around.  
At the same time the Doctor started feeling his pocket again, then he grabbed her hand and pulled her back into the TARDIS. Clara didn't even have time to protest.

“She sent me a message on the psychic paper. We have to leave!” the Doctor said and pulled one of the levers on the console.  
“Doctor! You can't leave her there!”  
He stared at her and for a moment Clara didn't know the man standing in front of her. This wasn't the Doctor. The Doctor would never leave someone, no matter if it was the Master or an innocent person, to their fate. The Doctor wouldn't leave this planet after he had cause it to be attacked by Daleks.  
“She will find a way out. She's the Master. She always finds a way out,” he said coldly, “You, on the other hand, need to be kept safe!”

He pulled the psychic paper from his pocket and Clara stepped closer to see what message Missy had sent him.

 

_Don't be stupid, Doctor! Time can't be rewritten! They're coming and they will erase you!_

 

“What does that mean?” Clara asked immediately, “Who are they?”  
The Doctor flung the paper across the console room and groaned.  
“More riddles! Never an answer. It's always more riddles!” he shouted angrily.   
Clara immediately stepped away from him, terrified of what he was going to do all of a sudden.   
“Doctor, what is happening to you? Why are you being like this?”  
“Don't you understand, Clara?” the Doctor asked, almost yelling at her, “This is it. This is the final stage of the Erebos. It's here and it's threatening to take you away from me and I will not let this happen.”  
“Nothing is going to happen to me. You need to calm down!”  
“I love you, Clara,” he said and suddenly he sounded defeated, “You have been with me ever since I was a frightened child on Gallifrey. You made me who I am. You saved me so many times and you don't even know. I love you and I know you will never love me back. That's fine, Clara, I get it. But I cannot let you die. Not you. But it's you the Erebos wants most desperately, because of my feelings for you.”

Clara was dumbstruck for a moment. Not because of his confession, not because he was so sure she was going to die, but because the Doctor assumed that she didn't love him. Suddenly the lights around her began to flicker and the TARDIS was gurgling more frantically than usual.  
“What makes you think I don't love you?” Clara asked, not knowing what else to say.  
The Doctor blew the air out of his lungs. “Oh, come on, Clara, we both know it. You said you were done with love. Only want me as a distraction from your pain. At best, I am your friend, one that you use for whatever purpose you need.”  
Clara took a step in his direction and slapped him hard across the face. The TARDIS structure was groaning, but she didn't care.  
“You're an idiot!” she yelled at him, “I love you. I have always loved you. And I will never stop loving you. There has been no other man in my life after you first led me into your TARDIS. It has always been you and it always will be!”  
“What?” the Doctor stared at her as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.  
Clara punched him again.  
“I love you and I want you to stop being so angry! We will fix this and we will be together!”

Finally the Doctor seemed to have realized what was going on around them. The TARDIS was aching and groaning as if something in her structure was moving. It there was. The shadows in every corner started moving, flowing across the floor like smoke, coming together to form a giant cloud, vaguely shaped like a person.  
“The Erebos!” the Doctor shouted, “The Time Lock, Clara, use it!”  
While Clara fumbled in her bag, looking for the poison she was hardly aware that the TARDIS around them was starting to fall apart. Sparks were flying from the console and the time machine was shaking so much that it hurled the books out of the shelves. It was as if a storm was raging inside, throwing everything around the room and bending the metal around them.  
“Clara! Hurry!”  
She heard the Doctor's voice right as she pulled the phial out of her bag. She unscrewed the cap when a book flew in her direction. She ducked, spilling some of the liquid before she threw it at the large shadow in front of her. 

From one second to the next everything dropped to the floor and the TARDIS grew eerily quiet. Clara looked up to see the Erebos still there, but solid, frozen in time. Harmless.   
“You did it!” the Doctor yelled enthusiastically, laughing, “Clara, you did it!”  
He came running towards her, grinning broadly and her heart sank.   
“I'm so sorry, Doctor,” was all that came out of her mouth. Clara didn't know what else to say. She really was sorry.  
“What are you talking about?” he asked, still smiling, but a look of confused started to spread across his face.  
Clara gulped. She tried moving her hands but they wouldn't listen to her command anymore.  
“I touched the liquid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments everyone :)


	20. Chapter 20

The Doctor kept staring at her, his brain desperately trying to find a way he could have misheard her. No, this wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Not after they had already defeated the Erebos.   
“Clara,” he said, trying to sound as calm as possible. Clara was shaking in front of him. She was so scared, “Clara, you have to fight it.”  
“How?” she asked and he saw the tears gather in the corner of her eyes.   
He watched as the poison spread across her arms, engulfing her shoulders and wandering over her chest, covering her with the soap bubble shimmer he had already seen on her hologram.   
“Move your fingers!” the Doctor yelled at her.  
“I can't!”  
The Doctor took a deep breath before he bent forward to kiss her, tasting her lips one last time while gently stroking her cheek with his thumb.  
“I will save you, Clara. I will find a way, whatever the cost. I promise,” he said, looking directly into her eyes.  
Clara began gasping for air when the poison had reached her chest.  
“Doctor, no,” her voice only came out as a whisper, “Leave me. It's not worth it.”  
He gave her a weak smile. “Oh, my Clara, to me you are worth more than the entire universe.”

Clara looked at him and the Doctor watched the tears freeze on her cheek until she was entirely covered in the poison and only then did his false smile falter. He turned around, slamming both his hands on the console and let out a scream that could have shattered the frozen figures next to him. The Doctor reached for one of the iron bars lying on the floor that had come loose while the Erebos had raged through the TARDIS and he picked it up, smashing the frozen shadow into pieces. They vanished before they even hit the ground. The Erebos was gone for good. But at what price?

The Doctor stared at Clara, who was nothing but a statue now, frozen forever, her beauty immortalized. Like this she would be able to be with him. Forever at his side, and forever out of reach.   
“My Clara,” he whispered, dropping the iron bar to gently touch her hair. It felt like stone, “I will find a way.”

He turned back to the console that had already started repairing itself and set the coordinates for Limnos 4. He needed Missy's help. Maybe with her he would be able to save Clara. Maybe, just maybe. She was his last straw.   
When the Doctor stepped back onto the planet, he saw the destruction that the Daleks, that he himself had caused. But the attack had stopped, and the only thing he now saw was Missy standing amidst the wreckage, laughing at something that was up in the sky.  
“They turned on each other,” Missy screeched with excitement in her voice, “Guess you defeated your shadow then. The Daleks have run out of their luck.”  
A Dalek ship crashed into the mountains just close enough for them to still be able to see it and went up in smoke. Missy screeched in excitement.  
“I need your help, Missy,” the Doctor said desperately, “Just this once. I need you.”  
Finally the Time Lady turned around to look at him and her face was lined with amusement.   
“Ahhh, the Doctor, saviour of the Universe, can't save his little girlfriend,” she said mockingly, “Even if I wanted to help you, I couldn't. Rassilon is one clever bastard and his poisons are. . . magnificent.”  
“How do you know what happened?” the Doctor demanded to know, “How did you come by the poison in the first place? Why did you give it to Madame Vastra?”  
Missy shrugged. “It was the only way to stop the Erebos. You just needed the Time Lock and Clara's love. Think positive, Doctor. She's pretty and makes for excellent decoration as a statue.”  
“Missy, I'm warning you,” he growled, “If you want to leave this planet alive, you either help me or tell me something useful.”  
“Okay,” Missy said, taking a step closer, “Here's some useful advice. Leave it, Doctor. This path you're on will lead to only one thing. And that is your own destruction. _They are coming for you!_ ”  
The Doctor hesitated for a moment, pondering her words.  
“Good,” he said calmly, “Let them come.”

He turned away from Missy and started heading back to the TARDIS in a slow pace.  
“They will destroy you, Doctor!” she called after him.   
“Not the Doctor,” he replied, “The Valeyard.”

 

Back inside the TARDIS the Doctor again glanced at Clara. The universe for her life. It didn't even seem like such a big sacrifice to make. He understood it now, Missy, the prophecy, everything. It had to happen and it would either be his demise or his victory. He set the coordinates for a planet he had visited during his 10th incarnation so, so long ago. It was the perfect spot for his plan, the perfect spot to begin the destruction of the universe.

The TARDIS materialized on the rusty brown surface right next to another, familiar looking blue box. Right next to it the Doctor spotted a man with messy hair and a long, brown coat over his pinstripe suit.  
“Nice ride you've got there,” the Doctor said to get his former self's attention.   
The other Doctor shot around.  
“You?!” he spluttered, obviously confused, “You're. . .?”  
“Yes, I am you,” he confirmed.   
“Oh dear,” the tenth Doctor swallowed, “You can't be here. It could cause a paradox.”  
The Doctor smiled slightly. “Only if we touch. And I'm sorry.”

He reached out and grabbed his former self's arm. The sky darkened instantly and out of nowhere the Reapers started to appear.  
“What have you done?!” the tenth Doctor screamed at him, “Those are Reapers! They will eat everything until there is nothing left of the universe!”  
“I know,” he hissed, “That's what I'm counting on.”  
“You're insane!”  
All around them the Reapers had started to consume the world and when the Doctor looked up at the sky he noticed that one after another the stars were beginning to fade.   
“Why?!” his former self demanded to know.  
“For the woman we love. Look up!”

They both stared into the pitch black sky when suddenly a warm glow started to spread across the night and from one second to another the darkness cracked open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments :)


	21. Chapter 21

“It's the Time Lords!” his former incarnation exclaimed as soon as a familiar planet began to emerge from the crack in time and space.   
“Yessss,” the Doctor hissed with a grin before he raised his voice. “Welcome home, boys! And you better say _thank you_ properly because it only took the destruction of the universe to bring you back!”

A warm glow emitted from the newly surfaced planet and one after another the stars appeared back in the sky. A ray of light exploded from the planet's core and the Doctor held tight to his TARDIS for a second as it blasted the Reapers out of time and space.   
“They're gonna kill us!”   
“Oh, don't be such a pessimist,” the Doctor told his former self, “They might. They might not. I imagine Rassilon is not amused. Alright, better be off. Someone is expecting me. Don't worry, you'll forget this ever happened until you're ready to do it again.”  
He turned around one more time to look at the former Doctor, who was still obviously confused about what had happened.  
“You're absolutely mad,” he said.  
“You will understand one day. And you will know she's worth it.”

The Doctor stepped into the TARDIS and shortly after landed on Gallifrey. It felt strange. For so many centuries he had wished to return home, but when he set his feet onto the ground and saw the council members waiting for him just a few yards ahead, the Doctor was reminded of why he had left Gallifrey so many years ago.   
Rassilon raised his hand and the Doctor noticed that he was wearing his gauntlet.   
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn't erase you from time right now,” Rassilon threatened.   
The Doctor shrugged as he approached them. “I brought you back into this universe. I think I deserve a _thank you_.”  
“You have always been pompous and arrogant,” Rassilon replied, shaking his gauntlet.  
“Have you taken a good look at yourself?”  
“Doctor!” a female voice scolded him and a small woman stepped up from behind Rassilon and a few other council members. Her face was unfamiliar, but the Doctor felt as if he should know her, “Behave yourself, will you?”  
“You almost brought on the destruction of the universe. Twice,” Rassilon reminded him, “We sent the only one who knew how to travel between the realms to you with a poison to defeat the Erebos and you succeeded. So why did you do it? Why cause a paradox?”  
“Because I need your help. I wasn't able to defeat the Erebos, but my friend was, and she was frozen in time doing so. You need to undo it,” the Doctor demanded.  
Rassilon scoffed. “We should punish you, not help you.”  
“You can do both for all I care. But save Clara. She saved the universe so many times. Without her I wouldn't be standing here. Without her Gallifrey would have gone down in the Time War. _You owe her_.”   
“And we owe _him_ ,” the woman who had previously spoken said. This time he finally recognized her.  
“Romana,” the Doctor granted her a warm smile, “I knew you would be on my side.”  
“I'm not,” she replied coldly, “I do not condone what you did to bring us back. You couldn't have known we would be able to undo the damage you've cause.”  
The Doctor shrugged. “You're right. I didn't. I was only hoping.”  
“Enough!” Rassilon shouted, “You are a disgrace to the Time Lords and you shall be erased!”  
“Erase me if you must! But save Clara, unfreeze her, bring her back to Hiraeth where the rest of her people now live.”  
Rassilon raised his gauntlet again, pointing it at the Doctor when Romana stepped forward, placing her hand gently on his arm and lowering his weapon.  
“I have a better idea,” she said, her voice still lacking the warmth he was used to from her. The Time War had turned her cold as well. “We will unfreeze Clara.”  
The Doctor sighed in relief.  
“But she's not going back to her people. Like you said, she saved the universe multiple times and if you care so much for her, she must be a good person. We lack her kind.”  
He stared at his former companion, not fully understanding. “What are you saying?”  
Romana smiled. “I'm saying that Clara will stay on Gallifrey. She will go down the same route that you and I have walked. She will enter the Academy and become a Time Lady.”

His mouth fell open. Clara a Time Lady. It meant that they would be equals. She could travel with him forever. Oh, she would be insufferable after her time at the Academy, but he would love her even more for that.  
“And you, Doctor,” Romana continued, “You are banned from Gallifrey until you have redeemed yourself. You can say goodbye to Clara, but you will not see her until after her education here in finished.”  
He swallowed and finally nodded. Romana understood and extended her hand to Rassilon, who only reluctantly handed her the gauntlet. He didn't like it, but no one else protested against Romana's judgement. 

Romana came walking towards the Doctor and in passing said: “Come on, let's unfreeze your girlfriend.”  
“You know me too well,” he replied with a smile and they both paused in front of the TARDIS doors, “Thank you, Romana. It means a lot to me.”  
She eyed him for a moment, then handed him the gauntlet.  
“You've got an hour. Don't take longer, or Rassilon will blast your pompous ass into oblivion,” she warned him. 

 

The Doctor nodded and stepped through the doors. Clara was still standing in the same spot where he had left her, a tear frozen on her cheek and yet so utterly beautiful that he took a moment to look at her. He slipped the gauntlet over his right hand and just caressed her hair, watching as the film that covered her started to lift and Clara blinked. She gasped for air when she was finally free of the poison, but looked at him in horror.  
“Doctor, what have you done?”  
He couldn't help but smile as he threw the gauntlet carelessly across the room and cupped her cheeks.  
“Everything's okay, Clara, don't worry. We're on Gallifrey,” he whispered and quickly kissed her forehead, unable to stop grinning. He had her back. She would become a Time Lady and then they would be together forever.   
“Gallifrey?” Clara uttered, “How is that possible?”  
“Long story. I have no doubt they will tell you everything.”  
Clara reached out, grasping the fabric of his sleeves, still staring at him.   
“Why?”  
“Clara,” the Doctor began, his voice suddenly more sombre, “They agreed to save you under two conditions. I can't come back to Gallifrey. Not until I have redeemed myself, which could take a couple of centuries. But you. . .”  
“What about me?”  
“Romana, an old friend of mine, wants you stay. She wants you to stay here, go to the Academy and become a Time Lady,” the Doctor explained.  
Clara furrowed her eyebrows and began to splutter for a moment, until she could find the right words. “But that means. . .”  
“You and I. We can travel the universe forever.”  
“But. . .”  
“You will _love_ the Academy, Clara, you will love this,” he said sincerely.  
“But you won't be here,” Clara objected.  
“They know what you did for them, for Gallifrey. You will have friends here. Maybe not Rassilon, but others, like Romana. They will take care of you.”  
Clara looked up at him and a shy smile formed on her lips. “You're happy about this, aren't you?”  
He nodded.  
“But we won't be able to see each other for God knows how long.”  
Suddenly and without a warning the Doctor swept Clara up in his arms and started moving into the direction of the corridor.  
“We better make our last hour count, then, huh? And once you're a Time Lady we will have an eternity.”

Clara objected no further as the Doctor carried her into his bedroom and gently set her down on the bed, immediately starting to cover her lips and her face with kisses. Clara buried her hands in his hair, dragging him down on top of her as he was beginning to find his way under her clothes.   
“Doctor,” Clara said softly when his mouth left hers for a second, “Can you do the think like last time? The telepathic link?”  
He smiled at her. “Of course, my Clara. And next time we do this, it can go both ways.”  
Clara chuckled in reply as he brought his hands to her temples. “I'm looking forward to it.” 

All of a sudden she grew still under him, and the Doctor knew what was going on. He was inside of her head after all. He laughed.  
“Oh, don't be silly. I will love you no matter what face you wear. Just like you did with me.”  
He bent down to kiss her again. Clara gasped as he moved inside of her and they kept turning and writhing in the sheets, loving each other properly for the first time. For him the times before hadn't counted, it hadn't been right, but this absolutely was. It was just him and his Clara, happy to be together, kissing the time away. 

But the hour was up way too soon and they both got dressed on their way to the TARDIS doors. Every step that brought him closer to saying goodbye felt heavier. Clara got on her toes to kiss him one last time.  
“Now,” the Doctor said, “Do what I would do. Misbehave. Cause trouble.”  
Clara giggled. “I will most definitely _not_. What will you do in the meantime?”  
The Doctor shrugged. “The usual. Travel. Check on the people on Hiraeth, try to help them out whenever they need me. The universe needs a Doctor.”  
“Yes, it does,” Clara said, looking at him. Her smile suddenly faltered and a second later she threw her arms around him, buying her face in his chest.  
“I don't want to leave you,” she admitted.  
“It's not forever, Clara. We will see each other again,” the Doctor tried to comfort her, his hand gently stroking her hair.  
“It's centuries, Doctor, centuries. That's a lot more than any human should live.”  
He took Clara's face in his hands to make her look at him. “And they will have passed before you know it. Trust me, Clara, don't be afraid. And when you're back here, none of our problems will matter anymore. It's all gonna be fine.”  
Clara sighed before the Doctor bent down to kiss her again. He would miss her, but he would pass the time somehow.  
When she had stepped through the TARDIS doors she turned around one last time, waving shyly. The Doctor spotted Romana waiting for her. Yes, she would take care of Clara until he could see her again. He stood by the doors and watched as the women disappeared into the building before he stepped back inside. They would be reunited, but until then, he had a universe to take care of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, for writing comments, for sticking with the story until the end :) I really hope you enjoyed it.   
> Now, my (or rather 'our' because I am going to work on the next one with a friend) next project is still in planning and it will take a while until it is going to be published – but it is big and it's gonna be great, so keep an eye out. In the meantime I will busy myself with some fluffy and smutty Tumblr prompts.


End file.
